WHAT A MODERN NIGERIAN MAN needs in a
Woman and VICE VERSA.
By Vanessa
Every living thing has needs. A need for shelter, food, survival, and above all, a need for love. A man or woman definitely seeks these needs from their spouse or partner.
Many needs are universal, but in Nigeria, these needs are shaped (in most part) by culture and individual differences. Furthermore, what a man sees in a woman and admire, another man will see and despise. Just like the old adage, “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”
The basic needs of a modern Nigerian woman.
(a) A woman needs a man that acts as a role model and a leader (head of household). A man of courage and with conviction that could inspire her. She wants a man that will stand by her side, a man that will give her security. A man she can always look up to at all times, and brings out the best in her. A man full of compassion and character.
(b) A woman seeks personal affection from a man. Affectionate environment in which sexual union is enjoyed, and wonderful marriage is developed. A simple gesture such as flowers, cards or chocolates makes a woman feels important, valuable, and needed. A woman wants to be pampered and cared for. From a romantic breakfast in bed, to a lovely poem at night before bedtime. A woman’s happiness and content is a reflection of her in her man. Thus, it is important that a man endeavors to show affection to his woman, all women, and never forget to tell her candidly how much he loves her and adores her every day.
(c) A woman needs a man that admires and supports her in everything she does. This is where the saying that a woman is moved by what she hears, apply. A woman wants personal affirmation from her man. She wants a man to praise her cooking, home maintenance, her fashion taste, and so forth. She wants her to admire her in the presence of his or her friends, to boast about her to the extent of enviousness from her colleagues and friends. She does not want him to scold her or make a nasty joke of her in public. A woman is never tired of hearing his open admiration for her.
(d) For a lasting relationship, communication is important. A woman needs a man that she can converse freely with at all times. A man that could easily internalize her woman’s thoughts beforehand. A man she can bare her soul to. A man she could have intimate conversation with. If the communication network between a man and a woman is poor, such relationship is already doomed from the start. Good communication helps both parties to know each other and to learn from each other. In fact, communication is the livewire of every relationship. A man is expected to be able to communicate his faithfulness, dreams, thoughts, and all, to her woman.
(e) Honesty and openness are virtue a woman needs. A man that is trustworthy, honest, and faithful to her. It is easier for a woman to forgive a man if he confesses his unfaithfulness to her than for her to hear the story from other sources. A Nigerian woman does not admire a man that pretends.
(f) A woman needs a financially stable man. Adequate finance is one of the most important security elements to a Nigerian woman. Because some women could be materialistic, it has forced some men to “withhold their bank accounts” from some women.
(g) Another virtue a woman seeks in a man is satisfaction in the romance arena, in and out of bed. It is quite a shame that many couples rule this aspect of relationship out because they feel they can manage happiness with the lack of it until it is too late. Sexual satisfaction is important in a relationship. It is the beauty of every relationship. Above all, a woman needs a loving man. A man that she can be proud of, and proclaim to the world as her man and only. Even in a polygamous society, most women want to be a one woman’s man. To a greater extent jealousy is universal.
The basic needs of a modern Nigerian man.
(a) A man needs a woman that understands him, his feelings, his thoughts, and his motives at all times. A woman that appreciates and understands a man's mistakes, faults, trials and tribulations. A woman willing to support and be by his side, always.
(b) A man needs a woman that pays attention to him. A man does not want a woman that talks more and listen less. A Nigerian man wants a woman that listens to him. This gives him an ego as the head of household and not the shoulder of the family.
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(c) A man needs a woman that has strong conviction in him, a woman that believes in his dreams, and his aspirations. A woman that will stand by him when the storm comes and a woman that can encourage him even when he struggles even with lost hope.
(d) A man needs to be pampered (just as a woman) and be well taken care of. Even though people say that men do not need to be pampered (may be most men try to hide their feelings and façade) or show emotional side of him. Nonetheless, this aspect of a man cannot be overlooked or undermined by a woman who really wants to love her man.
(e) A Nigerian man does not admire or want a selfish and demanding woman. He also needs a giving and sharing woman as well.
(d) Nagging is another threat to a man. A man can never live in peace if he has a nagging woman as a mate. It is a sure way of dragging him to an early grave. Instead of nagging, a woman should be praising him for every little efforts with all the support required. Women have no virtue over all human needs.
(e) Lastly, a man needs a woman that is submissive, supportive, just as the Holy Bible has clearly stated that a “woman should be submissive to her man” A woman’s submission to a man gives him pride and also makes him adore her woman even more. An obedient woman or wife will always win the heart of her husband. Even though there are times that men are selfish in some of their decisions, a reasonable woman should not argue first and listen later. Rather, should obey with love, with care, and then express her opinions thereafter. Smart woman are the most powerful in God’s creation. They just need to know how to play their cards and pick their battles.
In a country like Nigeria, many of the need of a woman or man from each other are influenced by cultural differences.
These influences include but not limited to:
FAMILY BACKGROUND
In Nigeria, most people depend on cultural, achieved status or tribal influences in determining who to date or marry. This is mostly common with women.
A woman wants to date or marry a man that comes from a wealthy family with high social status in the community capable of meeting their needs. Parents and friends' opinion is a powerful influence as well in a relationship .This is mostly noticeable among the Ibos in the eastern part of Nigeria and the Yoruba from the western part of Nigeria. A woman wants to show off her beautiful and expensive clothes, jewelries and accessories to her friends and enemies alike, and to emphasize that she has a man from a wealthy family or with bountiful means.
TRIBAL DIFFERENCE
Tribalism or by any other name, has a powerful influence and had probably caused havoc, unhappiness, or happiness in relationships and marriages. Nigeria is a multi-ethnical country, leading to a lot of tribal conflicts in relationships. In some circumstances, a man or woman would prefer to date or marry from another tribe as long as they are in love but intra tribal dating and marriages still dominates. For instance, the Ibos are so sentimental about the tribe of their spouse. If they are not from the same tribe, it causes a lot of raised eyebrows and criticisms from their tribe members, especially family members.
Although, some people have been able to overcome this factor, it is still uncommon to do otherwise. Despite the differences, there are some exemptions where inter tribal (regional) dating or marriages exists. For example, the Ibos and the Efiks marry and date without hesitation because they are from the same eastern region; the Yoruba are more allied with the Benin’s and the Hausas. The Benis also date or marry more with the Urhobos and those from the Niger Delta areas.
But ironically, it is also shocking to know that an Ibo man (from eastern part of Nigeria) may marry a Yoruba lady (from western part of Nigeria), but will not be supportive of a Yoruba woman marrying an Ibo man.
These tribal likes and dislikes are part and parcel of the culture and lifestyles that shapes Nigerian relationships far beyond what each sex wants or need from each other.
Other tribal characteristics are these: Ibo ladies are known to be materialistic, while their men are known to be money and business conscious. On the other hand, Yoruba men are known to be promiscuous, while their women are known to be too insulting and also promiscuous.
The Niger Delta men are mostly seen as lazy and their lifestyle is compared to that of a drunkard, while the women are more sharp-tongued and very bossy.
The Efiks men are largely known to be promiscuous but the women are better cooks. The Hausas are more sequestered than any of the tribes because of their religion and lifestyle.
EDUCATINAL BACKGROUND
This influence is not too high on the need agenda par se, but it’s still experienced by most people in modern Nigeria. It is easy for a man to date or marry an uneducated woman but modern Nigerian women are aiming to marry educated men. A modern Nigerian woman would not like to marry a stark illiterate because of the laughs and jests from her friends and families. Although this observation cannot be construed as a national phenomenon, it is highly practiced all over Nigeria.
For example, Ibo ladies may marry men who are not highly educated. To them, if the book cannot do the trick, the money should. It is highly unlikely for a young female graduate to date a plumber or a carpenter with only elementary education. It seems education is still the corner stone in determining whether to date or not to date by many Nigerian modern women. The same appears to many men alike. One can only conclude that many are still tainted by colonial mentality that formal education is the only key to success.
AGE DIFFERENCE
This is not a major factor in many relationships in Nigeria. In many parts of Nigeria, age difference is not considered a taboo as frown upon in the western world. It is quite common for a man to date a woman much younger that him but not necessarily vice versa. The needs of women as outlined above might have contributed to this state of mind. The rule is, as long two individuals find all they want in each other, it is nobody’s business.
