NIGERIA-THE GIANT OF AFRICA
The melodrama in Nigeria is increasing each passing day. The conflicts varies, from abduction to political clashes, the list seem inexorable. Nigeria’s crises have reached an invincible state as there has been no conciliatory approach to curb the situation. Millions of innocent people are dying for sins they do not commit. The rulers are busy preparing mendacious propaganda neglecting the focal issue. Instead of resolving the conflicts, they are busy pointing fingers at each other over banal issues. Recently, the northern crisis in the country had done nothing more than to increase the rate of such disputes.
Nigeria is ripping apart gradually; there is no unity among its people. Formerly, clashes were limited to inter-tribal clashes but now it is being extended to clans. All these are ominous signs that the great giant of Africa is splitting into fragments. The current situation in Nigeria is devastating, ASUU is on strike, the education sector is crumbling, the power situation in the country is nothing to write home about, unemployment is eating deep into the society, resulting to brain drain as our graduates seeks greener pastures in foreign lands. The banking sector is dissolving with the recent dismissal of five major banks CEOs. It also revealed many backstage acts by the famous glitterati in our society who clam our media and make the poor envious.
With this entire catastrophe, one may begin to wonder where the good people and the good nation are. What is the evident that Nigeria is still a nation when everyday there is one snag or the other? Who are the good people in Nigeria when all we do is to fight each other and disintegrate? The president sits on his throne with his allies doing nothing but making trivia statements where the most salient issues are still unresolved. It’s as if Nigeria is walking in shadows, nothing is progressing, coupled with the economic meltdown, the country might crumble before 2020.
It is quite inconceivable that in a civilized era like this that the Northern part of the country would fight against western education. The worst is that they have political support which simplifies that some people in the inner caucus are behind this. Also, the council of states advised the federal government to carry out the deregulation of the downstream sector without any cushioning effect on the masses. In a normal mixed economy, if the sole right of petroleum resources is given to the government, it tends to reduce the price of petroleum products, but in Nigeria the reverse may be the case, as the facilities may not be adequately maintained or managed and there might still be inflation in prices due to our fraudulent leaders and bureaucracy in the system. The House of Assembly should not pass the bill and the Labour should fight this evil that is being meted out on the masses.
In Lagos state, the government in their bid to make Lagos a mega city has left many citizens devastated as their source of living are being destroyed. Demolition of buildings has become a daily activity, people are forced to stay at home or go back to their own states. The governor did not consider the burden inflicted on the victims in the implementation of this exercise and failed to provide an alternative for its victims, coupled with the high rate of unemployment in the state, the result will definitely increase crime rate, as an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
What do all these signify? It simply means that the country‘s problems are too small for its size. How long are we going to fold our hands and watch the giant of Africa reduced to ant? Do we continue to reproach our leaders and still do nothing or we take the bold step and work towards the resolution?
One thing is certain; the leaders are not to be blamed totally, because each and every one of us is a leader one way or the other. We all have been infected with corruption; it is now deep-rooted in our system that we might need thorough cleansing to erase the birthmark of corruption from our blood. The funniest aspect is that the rate of crime in the country is not as high as that of America but yet we are rated as the third most corrupted country. We lack good judicial system, we are simply a lawless nation, and everyone is a law on its own.
Part of the blame should also go to the colonial masters. They were inconsiderate in the creation of the country, if they had divided Nigeria into three or four countries, it would have been able to manage its problems. Take Ghana for example, it is a small country but it is still well organized. South Africa is another country that has placed Nigeria in a ridicule state, merely two decades they gained independence; they are far developed than our country. We have most of our companies relocating to South Africa, most of our musicians and movie producers go there for their video shooting, some families spend their holidays there. What then can we say about our country? We have been ruled by bad leaders and it is detrimental to its citizens. Nigeria may claim to be a free country but it is still enslaved by depravity. It is not time for seeking who to bear the onus but time to start making amendment to restore our value. It is quite devastating that our youths are joining the militant group as a way of venting out their anger towards the leaders; abduction has become a daily threat to politicians and the elites in the country.
The Niger delta might be justified in their fights to improve their welfare but the measures taken are not apt. Who will be left to kill when everybody is killed? Niger delta is becoming a tinderbox that might thrust Nigeria into another civil war. The Biafrans are also at the other side; they might also seek retribution soon.
Nigerians need to out face their problem and work towards pacifism. A lot needs to be done; we must first of all accept one another, which is one way of getting the job done. How can one say we are one when the house is divided? It cannot stand. The leaders should stop accusing militants of murder, because there is no difference between killing someone and sending out order to kill someone. We all are guilty of murder. The next step is to erase all the bad eggs in the society and a good arbitrary, void of corruption should be established, a good leader should not necessarily assume office by cronyism, rather by virtue. All important issues should be explored. There should be a reconstitution of our laws. Nigeria may claim to be an independent country but it is still enslaved by its laws. Most of the laws in the constitution are outdated thus making it difficult for our leaders to adapt to new changes in relation to the revolution of time. If we remove the veil in our eyes, we will be able to see clearly and work towards a good means of restoring the value of our country.
What belongs to Caesar must be return to Caesar and what belongs to God must be return to God. The amnesty given to the Niger delta should not be used as a ploy to avoid their responsibility to improve the welfare of the area. The amnesty is good but the question is, will it completely obliterate another reoccurrence or is it just a short term solution? The three billion naira given to the militants is it to develop the area or to stop the harm that they are instigating on the economy? If the latter is the case, the government should be assured that the peace will not last long because these militants are also corrupt. They are also reaping from the fight, they engage in vices like oil bunkering and abduction. In essence, what the government is doing is giving the custody of a chunk of meat to a dog, the same meat that good for a man when they are fully aware that the dog will also eat the meat, as well as promising to do the maximum of their minimum best to curb the situation. The best resolution to the Niger delta problem is to develop the area by themselves and not bestowing the responsibility to anybody. Good roads, standard education, and other basic amenities should be provided. If they do all these, peace will definitely be restored.
It is high time Nigeria regained its strength as giant of Africa
Monday, September 7, 2009
DEALING WITH THE EX FILES
A friend paid me a visit the other day and during our discussion, she asked me if it was advisable to tell her fiancé about her ex. At that moment, I had no specific answer because I have not thought about it so I quickly told her that it depended on what she wanted to tell her fiancé about her ex. After she left I really thought about it. Why do we talk about our ex in a new relationship? Why are we so eager to talk about the past? Is it for security reasons or pity?
When it comes to a relationship, many things could go wrong with just those two letters, ‘ex’. While the intention might be to clear your closet, it might as well inflict mistrust on you by your spouse. We all have our mistakes and sins we have committed in the past. As much as we want the other party to see us in a new perspective, he or she may be force to recall your past deeds when you act in a similar way. Our ex should be our ex, and nothing more. There are some mistakes we all make when it comes to the ex files. They might seem common but they have caused more harm than good. Some of them include:
Telling your spouse about your ex: Is it necessary to tell your spouse about your ex? The answer to this question requires one to be diplomatic. Firstly, you must ask yourself why you want to tell him or her about your ex. Is it to clear your conscience or to leave a good impression on him or her? Is it an act of sincerity or is it just a formality? Secondly, you should be able to determine what angle of your ex you want your spouse to know about. Are you going to tell him or her about how your ex broke your heart, or how he cheated on you, or maybe the kind of attitude expressed in the relationship? You should not also neglect your own role in the relationship, because many of us are more eager to be the piteous one, seeking for sympathy, whereas we might be the cause of the breakup. If you have to be truthful, you should tell the truth to the very last bit. However, if he or she does not ask about it or probably stops you before you began, you should accept it in good faith. He/she is probably not interested. Nevertheless, if you think there are some important things your spouse should know about your ex that had influenced your way of life, please call it to his/her attention. It is better for your spouse to know earlier than never.
Inviting you ex to your love nest: I have seen many couples invite their ex to their love nest and I wonder what picture they are trying to paint. If your ex is your ex, then there is no need to go the extra mile by inviting him or her to be part of your new life. I am not saying you should make him your enemy or probably refuse to invite him or her for a meal when he is dying of hunger. No! The angle I am pointing at is when it becomes more than a monthly visit. You may think that you are building a friendship zone but you are actually mounting a war zone. Here are some questions you should ask yourself before you make such decisions:
How convinced are you that your ex is over you as much as you claim you are over him or her? How comfortable is your spouse over his or her regular visits? Is he receiving him or her with his arms wide open or with a poker face? Fine, there are exes who have turned out to be best friends but at least they were able to draw the lines. You do not get to the top of the mountain by standing at the base. You must climb the mountain! Have you been able to clarify his purpose of visits? Is he just checking up on you, or is he having a secret agenda up his sleeve? Is he happy for your new love or is he planning to rip you and your love apart? You might have a good intention but you cannot say the same for your ex. He or she might be holding some unexpressed feelings about you; it could be either love or hatred. Whichever, it spells out danger! So be very prudent about this before you venture into such rash decision.
Communicating more with your ex than your spouse: There is nothing more hurtful to a man or a woman than to realize that his or her spouse spends more time communicating with his or her ex than with him or her. The greatest mistake one can make is to make his or her love life an open book for his or her ex. To share intimate issues about your love life with your ex is like giving him or her a knife to kill you. The only reason acceptable for such acts is if the current relationship poses a threat to you. However, when this is not the case, then the act should not be encouraged, as it will lead to mistrust. Your spouse might end up feeling insecure about the relationship. He/she will have no choice than to believe that you still harbour feelings for your ex, and you feel more comfortable with your ex than you do with him or her. The most common mistake committed in a relationship is our inability to define the kind of relationship we keep with our ex after the breakup. One advice, if you still have feelings for your ex, do not venture into another relationship. If the possibility of reconciling with your ex is still high, then reconcile. It is of no use being with another man when your heart still long for your ex touch or kiss. If the reverse is the case then try to limit how much time you spend with him or her as well as avoiding the number of times you mention your ex name during conversations. This will only betray your hidden feelings.
Lastly, do not ever set up a meeting between your spouse and your ex. It makes absolutely no sense! Some people might perform this action as a way of sending their ex a message, while the ex might likewise be sending your spouse a message that might end up breaking your relationship. Never you make your ex approval your basis of dating your spouse. As much as you think he should be able to evaluate your spouse before you start a relationship with him or her, it is a very wrong step to take. You will end up making your spouse trying to live up to your ex shoes, which is very detrimental to the relationship.
Like I pointed earlier, the past should be your past and should not have a foothold in the present, unless the future will never be bright. If there is no need of discussing your ex with your spouse, take my advice; keep your mouth shut.
my greatest mistake
MY GREATEST MISTAKE
If I had known that fate would turn out like this, I would not have made the mistake I made ten years ago. I was so deceived by my aunt that I allowed her to ruin my happiness and future. I never knew that fate would always catch up with me. If I had, probably I won’t be shaking my head in deep regret now. It all started six years ago.
I came to Lagos to assist my aunt; Mrs. Ngozi in the upbringing of her children as well as make a living for myself in the city. My aunt lived in Ajegunle, the ghetto side of the city. It was a two room apartment in a general yard. I had to sleep in the sitting room to give my aunt and her husband privacy. Her two kids slept in the room with them except on rare occasions. I didn’t really have a nice time for the first few days, I was always the mockery of little children since I wasn’t good in Pidgin English and my Ibo accent didn’t help matters at all. I was always infuriated by their jests and was quick to vent my anger on any of my adversaries. It was on one of such occasions that I met Chidi.
I never knew he was my neighbour because I mostly kept to myself to avoid any snag. I was fetching water at the well side which was situated at the front of the two storey building one evening when a lady of my age came to join me. She had been on my enemy list for a while but my aunt intervention always saved her from my wrath. Immediately, she started to sing all these quarrel songs which I turned deaf ears to. After filling up my bucket, I carried it and balanced it on my head. Feeling satisfied with my effort, I started to move back to the house, unknown to me that the lady had set her foot on my way. I stumbled and nearly crashed my face on the ground if not for Chidi who quickly came to my aid. He ended up saving me as well as draining his clothes with my bucket of water; I quickly muttered a thank you and descended on the lady. I dealt with her severely that for the next few days she couldn’t show her face in public.
I never saw Chidi again until a week later. I was coming back from the market when I collided with him at the front gate. I did not recollect his face immediately until he reminded me of the past incident, I quickly apologized and expressed my gratitude to him once again. He told me not to bother; we exchanged other pleasantries and went our separate ways. That was how our relationship started. He always bought me suya on his way back from work and we stay late in the evening discussing at the backyard. I suddenly became too fond of him and was always looking forward to an evening with him. Soon we became the talk of the yard. My aunt got wind of the news and told me to be careful and to try to exploit Chidi as much as I can because he will never meet up with my standards.
“Ifeoma, it seems as if you don’t know how beautiful you are? Do you know how many men will fall at your feet for just your smile? You are in Lagos so you better shine your eye. Chidi is not even a graduate; he is just a ‘boy boy’. The only thing you can have with him is a fling, just spend his little money and that is all.” said my aunt that night after our evening meal. I developed mixed feelings after listening to her. I knew I loved Chidi; at least he is the only guy that has been nice to me since I came to Lagos. All other guys I have met were eager to feel my body than taking care of me. While I was still deliberating on this issue, Chidi gave me a very big surprise. He got me a job at a small firm as a secretary. I couldn’t contain my joy. If my aunt’s words had succeeded a little in turning my heart against Chidi, that small gesture from him changed my heart. Two days later we made love in my aunt’s room. Our love grew and I turned deaf ears to my aunt warning, unaware that my aunt has a game up her sleeve.
I was at the backyard washing my clothes one evening when a car pulled at the front of the house. It was a flashy red Toyota car that captured everyone’s eyes. I also stared in awe and was anxious to see who the occupant of the car was. A tall striking handsome man came out of the car, from his head to his feet was adorned with luxurious attire. He smelt of wealth. I watched as he approached me, gob smacked that he was heading my way. The colour rose on my cheeks, I quickly bent down to continue my chores. I was nonplussed when he asked “Are you Ifeoma?”
I stared at him in confusion.
“How did you know my name?” I asked anxiously
He gave out a short laugh and licked his lips in a seductive way that made my skin ripple with sensations.
“How can one ignore such beauty? I can see you are very busy but I can wait else you don’t want me to”
“That will depend on your reason of coming here to see me.” I replied.
He smiled and held my hand which I withdrew immediately.
“Ify I won’t bite you.”
“And you expect me to believe the words of a stranger?”
“I am more than a stranger.”
My next words were cut off by my aunt happy voice.
“Emmy, ha, you are here, I thought we agreed to see on Sunday.”
He greeted my aunt warmly
“I would had kept with our plan if not that I have been dreaming about Ify for a while that my curiosity got the best of me”
I stared at both of them baffled.
“Em Ify, take him to the sitting room and keep him company while I finish up this.” She shoved me towards him and took over my washing.
I gingerly took our ‘Emmy’ to the room where he made his intentions known to me.
According to him, he was a brother of a very affluent chief in a neighbouring village that was based in the States and had left his property and business under his care.
“I just need a woman that will assist me in carrying out all these work.”
“And am I the only girl that fits into your role?” It was my turn to laugh; he laughed with me and continued.
“It might sound like a joke but seriously, ever since your aunt told me about you, I have been so eager to see you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears; my aunt had gone behind my back to arrange a blind date for me. I quickly rose from where I sat and stormed out of the room with Emmy chasing me. My aunt was surprised when I appeared at the backyard with a puckered brow.
“How could you do this behind my back?” I demanded fiercely.
She tried to feign innocence but I never gave her the chance, I just walked out on her.
I walked down the street with no destination on my mind, my heart was in turmoil. I knew the reasons of my aunt actions and it pained me that she couldn’t support my choice of man. I was so blinded with tears that I didn’t notice Chidi walking towards me.
“Ify, are you okay? What is wrong with you? Did your aunt beat you?”
I just melted into his arms and unleashed all the tears that had been threatening to spill out. He hugged me and dried my tears. He wanted to take me home but I begged him not to, so he took me to his friend’s place and that day we sired a child unknown to us. By the time I got home, my aunt was still awake. She shouted at me and threatened to send me packing if I didn’t comply with her decisions.
That was how I was forced into a relationship with Emmy who tried to buy my love with his gifts and money. On many occasions he tried to make love to me but I declined because of my love for Chidi who I was still having clandestine meetings with at the nocturnal hours of the day. Emmy became frustrated at my rejection that he went to complain to my aunt and threatened to cut off the relationship if I don’t give in to his demands. Meanwhile, my aunt had noticed the changes in my body and knew that I was pregnant for Chidi. Not wanting to lose Emmy, she sedated me and invited Emmy to have his way with me. I woke up the next morning in Emmy’s bedroom with my clothes on the floor. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched him cuddle me. I quickly shove his hands away.
“How did I end up in your bed?” I inquired
“Ify what is wrong with you? What have I done to deserve such hatred from you? I have never treated any lady the ways I do to you, yet every effort I make seem to put you farther from me.”
“That doesn’t explain what I am doing in your bed.” I touched my body and it hit me then that I had been used out of my own volition. I wanted to cry but the tears refused to spill out. I just grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom where I showered and dressed. I left without a word.
My aunt did not bother to ask about my whereabouts and I didn’t bother to give her an explanation since I know of her deeds. For the next two weeks, I was so distracted and looked so haggard, my appetite was gone and I was always feeling nauseous. My aunt called me one afternoon and told me that I was pregnant and Chidi was responsible for it but because of his status, she would not allow me to dabble into such poor condition
“Chidi has nothing to offer you; he is not capable of taking care of his needs, let alone you and the unborn child. That was why I did what I did to give you a brighter future with Emmy. He is a promising young man and with him you can be sure of a better future for you and the baby.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“How can you suggest such an evil act? Are you that heartless?”
“Don’t be blinded by your emotions, this is the only way out unless you want to spend your life in penury.”
I didn’t wait for her to complete her statement; I stormed out of the house.
Throughout that day, I pondered on my discussion with my aunt. As painful as it was to admit it, there was a tinge of truth in her saying, but I couldn’t bear the thought of denying Chidi of his child. That would be unfair and wicked of me but how sure was I that Chidi would accept the pregnancy. Would he accept his responsibility or probably reject me? Would he panic and ask me to terminate the baby? All sort of thoughts streamed through my mind. I was so lost in thoughts that I never saw my colleague walk into the office. She shook and asked if I was alright, I feigned an excuse but I never bothered if she bought the idea or not. I made up my mind to tell Chidi about the pregnancy, but I was in for another show by the time I got home. Chidi met me at the gate with a frustrated look on his face; he grabbed me forcibly to a corner. A look of shock spread on my face.
“Chidi what is it” I asked panicky.
“When did you plan to tell me about your new lover and his baby you are carrying?”He said with so much venom in his voice
I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to say
“When?” He asked vehemently.
“Chidi, I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Ah Ify, you even had the guts to lie to me over such matter. How could I be so stupid? After all I did for you, you still hurt me so. Why Ify? Is it because I don’t have a house yet or what? Is it money or what? What does he have that I can’t give you?”
I felt the hurt in his eyes and I tried to hold him, to tell him that it was a lie, that the child was his. But he withdrew as if I was a poisonous snake.
“Chidi please, it’s not what you think, whatever you‘ve been told was a lie. My aunt just told you a bunch of lies to keep us apart.”
“It wasn’t your aunt that told me, it was Emmy. Do you know how I felt when he came to my office to tell me about your condition?”
I was shocked.
“It’s a lie, they all planned it.” I cried out hysterically.
“But you are pregnant.” I didn’t reply.
“Answer me.”
“Yes I am.”
He looked at me then, there was so much hurt and pain in his eyes, I couldn’t bear to see him that way. He turned and left. I cried out his name but he never answered or turned back. I cried out my heart. What will I do? How can I convince Chidi that he’s been told a lie, that the child was his? I had no intention of staying at my aunt’s place again, I wanted to return to my village or go somewhere else. My aunt was cooking when I went inside; she told me nonchalantly that my parents wanted to speak to me on the phone that I should try to call them back. I ignored her and asked her why she told Emmy about the pregnancy. She told me that I would not understand what she is doing for me now until later in the future. I so much wanted to kill her but I was helpless. I sank on the sofa, my hands on my head, and my feelings in disarray. I didn’t know what to do. Obviously Chidi had left me and would not believe anything that comes out of my mouth because of the lies he has been fed with. Before I make any decision, I would find out first if he will take responsibility of the child. I later called my parents and was nonplussed when I knew their purpose of calling me. Emmy had sent his people to my village to ask for my hand in marriage. He seemed to have left a good impression on my people with his gifts because my parents were so happy and proud of me. They even suggested that I came back quickly for the introduction and traditional marriage before the birth of the child. I couldn’t express myself. It was as if I had no control over my life anymore, my aunt seem to be in total control of my life. I didn’t say much to my parents as they chatted happily on the phone with my aunt, together they scheduled next week for my return to the village to start the preparation of my marriage rites.
Throughout the night I couldn’t sleep, I wondered how I got caught up in this mess. Is this how I will spend my life? By allowing my aunt to manipulate it anyhow? I refused to be controlled, I am a lady and not just a girl, I had to fight for my right and not allow anyone to take away my happiness. I will either marry Chidi or remain a single parent. I will not be pushed into a marriage that I have no intentions of gaining happiness. With that decision, I slipped into the arms of Morpheus. The next morning, I went in search of Chidi only to be told that he had traveled to Port Harcourt that morning, but they gave me a letter from him. He simply wrote that he wished me happiness in my new love and I should send him a postcard of when the baby is born or the invitation card of my wedding, whichever that came first through his brother,
“I will make it in this life just to prove to you that no condition is permanent. I will always love you though.”
I wept and wept but got no comfort even from his brother who sympathized with me. I begged him to tell me where Chidi went to but he refused. I contacted his friends but nobody knew where he went to, it was as if he disappeared into thin air. I still clung to the hope that I might see him before I travel but none happened. Then his brother told me a day before my departure that Chidi had left the country for South Africa. Suddenly all hope was lost.
By the time I got home, my parents were expecting to see a happy me but they saw a pathetic me. They were so worried that they inquired about my condition. I told them all I have been through, unaware that my aunt had again twisted another story to them. My dad believed me but my mum thought I was just being foolish. Secretly, my dad carried out an investigation on Chidi. How he got the information or the lead I have no idea. He came back to tell me that I should not hold on for Chidi because his family had already found a wife for him. With that piece of news, I had no other choice than to move on with the marriage. Seven months after my marriage to Emmy, I gave birth to a baby boy. He looked so much like me that no one would have thought it was Chidi’s child apart from the lovely brown eyes. I named him Chikaciemobi meaning ‘God should comfort me’. Emmy bragged about the child for a while and that was all. By the end of our first year in marriage, Emmy was already keeping late nights and having extramarital affairs but I wasn’t a bit bothered, I had never loved him so it didn’t bother me how many women he kept outside. Things became worse when his brother came back from the States and took back everything he had left under his care. He accused him of squandering his money and not taking proper care of his business. Emmy was reduced to nothing, he was not a graduate, and neither was he a salary earner. There was nothing to fall back on; he was totally reduced to the bottom. I had no choice than to return to my aunt place, the architect of the whole drama. At first, she tried to encourage me to stay with Emmy in the little apartment that belong to his friend but was left with no choice when Emmy came o join us at her place. Things became too hard for us to the extent that I had to seek for a job, while Emmy retired to drinking and smoking.
My greatest fear came to reality when Chidi came back to Nigeria. He was so plump and looked so wealthy. He did not recognize me when he saw me. He was so touched by my situation that he gave me a hundred thousand naira and promised to get me a better job. Meanwhile, my little son was always happy to see him whenever he visits, I noticed it and a twist of pain shot through my heart. I hated every decision I have made to deprive Chidi and his son of this father and son relationship. My aunt, as cunning as ever noticed it too and began pestering me to tell Chidi the truth. I told her to tell him herself since she was the one that started the fire, she should quench it herself. And she did. She went to tell Chidi the truth but Chidi didn’t believe her so he came to ask me and I told him the truth. He was so angry with me that he felt like tearing me apart.
“How could you do such to me?”
I explained to him that I tried to get in touch with him but all to no avail. I also told him about my father’s search and his result. He told me then that he was getting married in two weeks time. He asked me to grant him custody of his child and I told him that I can’t unless we get married,
“That’s impossible Ify, I don’t trust you anymore. If you can deny me of my child, I don’t know what else you might be capable of.”
Those words were like a sword piercing through my soul. I told him we either get married or he should forget that I ever mentioned this story. I gave him a picture of my son but he tore it and told me “it’s either the real thing or nothing at all”. As fate would have it, Chidi got married and I remained in suffering with Emmy.
The irony however, is that it’s been four years since Chidi got married and still no issue and from the speculating news I have gathered, he was not living happily with his wife. Will fate smile back at me and give my life a new hope?
If I had known that fate would turn out like this, I would not have made the mistake I made ten years ago. I was so deceived by my aunt that I allowed her to ruin my happiness and future. I never knew that fate would always catch up with me. If I had, probably I won’t be shaking my head in deep regret now. It all started six years ago.
I came to Lagos to assist my aunt; Mrs. Ngozi in the upbringing of her children as well as make a living for myself in the city. My aunt lived in Ajegunle, the ghetto side of the city. It was a two room apartment in a general yard. I had to sleep in the sitting room to give my aunt and her husband privacy. Her two kids slept in the room with them except on rare occasions. I didn’t really have a nice time for the first few days, I was always the mockery of little children since I wasn’t good in Pidgin English and my Ibo accent didn’t help matters at all. I was always infuriated by their jests and was quick to vent my anger on any of my adversaries. It was on one of such occasions that I met Chidi.
I never knew he was my neighbour because I mostly kept to myself to avoid any snag. I was fetching water at the well side which was situated at the front of the two storey building one evening when a lady of my age came to join me. She had been on my enemy list for a while but my aunt intervention always saved her from my wrath. Immediately, she started to sing all these quarrel songs which I turned deaf ears to. After filling up my bucket, I carried it and balanced it on my head. Feeling satisfied with my effort, I started to move back to the house, unknown to me that the lady had set her foot on my way. I stumbled and nearly crashed my face on the ground if not for Chidi who quickly came to my aid. He ended up saving me as well as draining his clothes with my bucket of water; I quickly muttered a thank you and descended on the lady. I dealt with her severely that for the next few days she couldn’t show her face in public.
I never saw Chidi again until a week later. I was coming back from the market when I collided with him at the front gate. I did not recollect his face immediately until he reminded me of the past incident, I quickly apologized and expressed my gratitude to him once again. He told me not to bother; we exchanged other pleasantries and went our separate ways. That was how our relationship started. He always bought me suya on his way back from work and we stay late in the evening discussing at the backyard. I suddenly became too fond of him and was always looking forward to an evening with him. Soon we became the talk of the yard. My aunt got wind of the news and told me to be careful and to try to exploit Chidi as much as I can because he will never meet up with my standards.
“Ifeoma, it seems as if you don’t know how beautiful you are? Do you know how many men will fall at your feet for just your smile? You are in Lagos so you better shine your eye. Chidi is not even a graduate; he is just a ‘boy boy’. The only thing you can have with him is a fling, just spend his little money and that is all.” said my aunt that night after our evening meal. I developed mixed feelings after listening to her. I knew I loved Chidi; at least he is the only guy that has been nice to me since I came to Lagos. All other guys I have met were eager to feel my body than taking care of me. While I was still deliberating on this issue, Chidi gave me a very big surprise. He got me a job at a small firm as a secretary. I couldn’t contain my joy. If my aunt’s words had succeeded a little in turning my heart against Chidi, that small gesture from him changed my heart. Two days later we made love in my aunt’s room. Our love grew and I turned deaf ears to my aunt warning, unaware that my aunt has a game up her sleeve.
I was at the backyard washing my clothes one evening when a car pulled at the front of the house. It was a flashy red Toyota car that captured everyone’s eyes. I also stared in awe and was anxious to see who the occupant of the car was. A tall striking handsome man came out of the car, from his head to his feet was adorned with luxurious attire. He smelt of wealth. I watched as he approached me, gob smacked that he was heading my way. The colour rose on my cheeks, I quickly bent down to continue my chores. I was nonplussed when he asked “Are you Ifeoma?”
I stared at him in confusion.
“How did you know my name?” I asked anxiously
He gave out a short laugh and licked his lips in a seductive way that made my skin ripple with sensations.
“How can one ignore such beauty? I can see you are very busy but I can wait else you don’t want me to”
“That will depend on your reason of coming here to see me.” I replied.
He smiled and held my hand which I withdrew immediately.
“Ify I won’t bite you.”
“And you expect me to believe the words of a stranger?”
“I am more than a stranger.”
My next words were cut off by my aunt happy voice.
“Emmy, ha, you are here, I thought we agreed to see on Sunday.”
He greeted my aunt warmly
“I would had kept with our plan if not that I have been dreaming about Ify for a while that my curiosity got the best of me”
I stared at both of them baffled.
“Em Ify, take him to the sitting room and keep him company while I finish up this.” She shoved me towards him and took over my washing.
I gingerly took our ‘Emmy’ to the room where he made his intentions known to me.
According to him, he was a brother of a very affluent chief in a neighbouring village that was based in the States and had left his property and business under his care.
“I just need a woman that will assist me in carrying out all these work.”
“And am I the only girl that fits into your role?” It was my turn to laugh; he laughed with me and continued.
“It might sound like a joke but seriously, ever since your aunt told me about you, I have been so eager to see you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears; my aunt had gone behind my back to arrange a blind date for me. I quickly rose from where I sat and stormed out of the room with Emmy chasing me. My aunt was surprised when I appeared at the backyard with a puckered brow.
“How could you do this behind my back?” I demanded fiercely.
She tried to feign innocence but I never gave her the chance, I just walked out on her.
I walked down the street with no destination on my mind, my heart was in turmoil. I knew the reasons of my aunt actions and it pained me that she couldn’t support my choice of man. I was so blinded with tears that I didn’t notice Chidi walking towards me.
“Ify, are you okay? What is wrong with you? Did your aunt beat you?”
I just melted into his arms and unleashed all the tears that had been threatening to spill out. He hugged me and dried my tears. He wanted to take me home but I begged him not to, so he took me to his friend’s place and that day we sired a child unknown to us. By the time I got home, my aunt was still awake. She shouted at me and threatened to send me packing if I didn’t comply with her decisions.
That was how I was forced into a relationship with Emmy who tried to buy my love with his gifts and money. On many occasions he tried to make love to me but I declined because of my love for Chidi who I was still having clandestine meetings with at the nocturnal hours of the day. Emmy became frustrated at my rejection that he went to complain to my aunt and threatened to cut off the relationship if I don’t give in to his demands. Meanwhile, my aunt had noticed the changes in my body and knew that I was pregnant for Chidi. Not wanting to lose Emmy, she sedated me and invited Emmy to have his way with me. I woke up the next morning in Emmy’s bedroom with my clothes on the floor. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched him cuddle me. I quickly shove his hands away.
“How did I end up in your bed?” I inquired
“Ify what is wrong with you? What have I done to deserve such hatred from you? I have never treated any lady the ways I do to you, yet every effort I make seem to put you farther from me.”
“That doesn’t explain what I am doing in your bed.” I touched my body and it hit me then that I had been used out of my own volition. I wanted to cry but the tears refused to spill out. I just grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom where I showered and dressed. I left without a word.
My aunt did not bother to ask about my whereabouts and I didn’t bother to give her an explanation since I know of her deeds. For the next two weeks, I was so distracted and looked so haggard, my appetite was gone and I was always feeling nauseous. My aunt called me one afternoon and told me that I was pregnant and Chidi was responsible for it but because of his status, she would not allow me to dabble into such poor condition
“Chidi has nothing to offer you; he is not capable of taking care of his needs, let alone you and the unborn child. That was why I did what I did to give you a brighter future with Emmy. He is a promising young man and with him you can be sure of a better future for you and the baby.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“How can you suggest such an evil act? Are you that heartless?”
“Don’t be blinded by your emotions, this is the only way out unless you want to spend your life in penury.”
I didn’t wait for her to complete her statement; I stormed out of the house.
Throughout that day, I pondered on my discussion with my aunt. As painful as it was to admit it, there was a tinge of truth in her saying, but I couldn’t bear the thought of denying Chidi of his child. That would be unfair and wicked of me but how sure was I that Chidi would accept the pregnancy. Would he accept his responsibility or probably reject me? Would he panic and ask me to terminate the baby? All sort of thoughts streamed through my mind. I was so lost in thoughts that I never saw my colleague walk into the office. She shook and asked if I was alright, I feigned an excuse but I never bothered if she bought the idea or not. I made up my mind to tell Chidi about the pregnancy, but I was in for another show by the time I got home. Chidi met me at the gate with a frustrated look on his face; he grabbed me forcibly to a corner. A look of shock spread on my face.
“Chidi what is it” I asked panicky.
“When did you plan to tell me about your new lover and his baby you are carrying?”He said with so much venom in his voice
I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to say
“When?” He asked vehemently.
“Chidi, I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Ah Ify, you even had the guts to lie to me over such matter. How could I be so stupid? After all I did for you, you still hurt me so. Why Ify? Is it because I don’t have a house yet or what? Is it money or what? What does he have that I can’t give you?”
I felt the hurt in his eyes and I tried to hold him, to tell him that it was a lie, that the child was his. But he withdrew as if I was a poisonous snake.
“Chidi please, it’s not what you think, whatever you‘ve been told was a lie. My aunt just told you a bunch of lies to keep us apart.”
“It wasn’t your aunt that told me, it was Emmy. Do you know how I felt when he came to my office to tell me about your condition?”
I was shocked.
“It’s a lie, they all planned it.” I cried out hysterically.
“But you are pregnant.” I didn’t reply.
“Answer me.”
“Yes I am.”
He looked at me then, there was so much hurt and pain in his eyes, I couldn’t bear to see him that way. He turned and left. I cried out his name but he never answered or turned back. I cried out my heart. What will I do? How can I convince Chidi that he’s been told a lie, that the child was his? I had no intention of staying at my aunt’s place again, I wanted to return to my village or go somewhere else. My aunt was cooking when I went inside; she told me nonchalantly that my parents wanted to speak to me on the phone that I should try to call them back. I ignored her and asked her why she told Emmy about the pregnancy. She told me that I would not understand what she is doing for me now until later in the future. I so much wanted to kill her but I was helpless. I sank on the sofa, my hands on my head, and my feelings in disarray. I didn’t know what to do. Obviously Chidi had left me and would not believe anything that comes out of my mouth because of the lies he has been fed with. Before I make any decision, I would find out first if he will take responsibility of the child. I later called my parents and was nonplussed when I knew their purpose of calling me. Emmy had sent his people to my village to ask for my hand in marriage. He seemed to have left a good impression on my people with his gifts because my parents were so happy and proud of me. They even suggested that I came back quickly for the introduction and traditional marriage before the birth of the child. I couldn’t express myself. It was as if I had no control over my life anymore, my aunt seem to be in total control of my life. I didn’t say much to my parents as they chatted happily on the phone with my aunt, together they scheduled next week for my return to the village to start the preparation of my marriage rites.
Throughout the night I couldn’t sleep, I wondered how I got caught up in this mess. Is this how I will spend my life? By allowing my aunt to manipulate it anyhow? I refused to be controlled, I am a lady and not just a girl, I had to fight for my right and not allow anyone to take away my happiness. I will either marry Chidi or remain a single parent. I will not be pushed into a marriage that I have no intentions of gaining happiness. With that decision, I slipped into the arms of Morpheus. The next morning, I went in search of Chidi only to be told that he had traveled to Port Harcourt that morning, but they gave me a letter from him. He simply wrote that he wished me happiness in my new love and I should send him a postcard of when the baby is born or the invitation card of my wedding, whichever that came first through his brother,
“I will make it in this life just to prove to you that no condition is permanent. I will always love you though.”
I wept and wept but got no comfort even from his brother who sympathized with me. I begged him to tell me where Chidi went to but he refused. I contacted his friends but nobody knew where he went to, it was as if he disappeared into thin air. I still clung to the hope that I might see him before I travel but none happened. Then his brother told me a day before my departure that Chidi had left the country for South Africa. Suddenly all hope was lost.
By the time I got home, my parents were expecting to see a happy me but they saw a pathetic me. They were so worried that they inquired about my condition. I told them all I have been through, unaware that my aunt had again twisted another story to them. My dad believed me but my mum thought I was just being foolish. Secretly, my dad carried out an investigation on Chidi. How he got the information or the lead I have no idea. He came back to tell me that I should not hold on for Chidi because his family had already found a wife for him. With that piece of news, I had no other choice than to move on with the marriage. Seven months after my marriage to Emmy, I gave birth to a baby boy. He looked so much like me that no one would have thought it was Chidi’s child apart from the lovely brown eyes. I named him Chikaciemobi meaning ‘God should comfort me’. Emmy bragged about the child for a while and that was all. By the end of our first year in marriage, Emmy was already keeping late nights and having extramarital affairs but I wasn’t a bit bothered, I had never loved him so it didn’t bother me how many women he kept outside. Things became worse when his brother came back from the States and took back everything he had left under his care. He accused him of squandering his money and not taking proper care of his business. Emmy was reduced to nothing, he was not a graduate, and neither was he a salary earner. There was nothing to fall back on; he was totally reduced to the bottom. I had no choice than to return to my aunt place, the architect of the whole drama. At first, she tried to encourage me to stay with Emmy in the little apartment that belong to his friend but was left with no choice when Emmy came o join us at her place. Things became too hard for us to the extent that I had to seek for a job, while Emmy retired to drinking and smoking.
My greatest fear came to reality when Chidi came back to Nigeria. He was so plump and looked so wealthy. He did not recognize me when he saw me. He was so touched by my situation that he gave me a hundred thousand naira and promised to get me a better job. Meanwhile, my little son was always happy to see him whenever he visits, I noticed it and a twist of pain shot through my heart. I hated every decision I have made to deprive Chidi and his son of this father and son relationship. My aunt, as cunning as ever noticed it too and began pestering me to tell Chidi the truth. I told her to tell him herself since she was the one that started the fire, she should quench it herself. And she did. She went to tell Chidi the truth but Chidi didn’t believe her so he came to ask me and I told him the truth. He was so angry with me that he felt like tearing me apart.
“How could you do such to me?”
I explained to him that I tried to get in touch with him but all to no avail. I also told him about my father’s search and his result. He told me then that he was getting married in two weeks time. He asked me to grant him custody of his child and I told him that I can’t unless we get married,
“That’s impossible Ify, I don’t trust you anymore. If you can deny me of my child, I don’t know what else you might be capable of.”
Those words were like a sword piercing through my soul. I told him we either get married or he should forget that I ever mentioned this story. I gave him a picture of my son but he tore it and told me “it’s either the real thing or nothing at all”. As fate would have it, Chidi got married and I remained in suffering with Emmy.
The irony however, is that it’s been four years since Chidi got married and still no issue and from the speculating news I have gathered, he was not living happily with his wife. Will fate smile back at me and give my life a new hope?
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