Why is it that when a woman turns a man down the man thinks the woman is arrogant, especially when he has tried all his best to get her? Alternatively, for the women, when a man tries to show off his stuff, we easily pick up offence and call him arrogant. During the week, I encountered this drama with my friends, read and see if you can distinguish the arrogant one from the confident one.
Recently, Brian was promoted as the personal assistant to the manager of his bank, few weeks after his promotion, he got a new boss; an attractive sassy young lady, Becky Adenuga. Before Brian was introduced to her, he had thought that she was a new employee and was planning on how to ask her out. He had shown off the male chauvinism, which had automatically made Becky dislike him unknown to him. He had even boasted to his colleague that he will get her and she cannot resist his charm. Therefore, when she was asked to pick a PA, Brian was confident she would pick him because; he thought he was competent enough to be her PA than any of his colleagues. Moreover, it gives him the opportunity to be close to her despite the fact that it bugs him inside that she was his superior in the office. Unfortunately, she picked a colleague of his. All through that day, Brian fumed because he had been so nice to the lady since she assumed office. He felt that Becky was too arrogant. During board meetings, he was always contradicting any point she made. To make it worse, Becky orders her around like a servant because of her position in the office. At a point Brian went as far as checking out her curriculum vitae, disappointed that she had the right qualifications, he was still determined to get back at her. He knew he chose his colleague to torment him because he had made his interest in her obvious and she had turned him down. “I mean I am the ladies man.” He cried out to me.
One day, during the board meeting, Brian constantly challenged her to a point that Becky cried out: “this is why I did not pick you as my PA; you are just too full of yourself.” and she left the meeting angrily. “Everyone stared down at me so hard that I wished the ground should open and swallow me up.”
Later that day, he went to apologize to his boss (he said that sarcastically). She accepted but made it clear to him that she never wants to cross his path. Brian felt defeated and decided to lay low. “Like all my guys will do, I ignored her. We only exchanged formal greetings, which were all.”
Things went back to normal until a new female employee was employed and luckily, for Brian, Mrs. Coker was fond of him and was Becky superior. “What a nice way to show the lady that I’m still the man.”
Because of the fondness or favour as he calls it, Becky was no longer his boss; rather he was a boss of his own. This got Becky mad because she detests him. As fate would have it, after the end of a hard day at work, Brian was driving to the mainland from the island when he saw Becky stranded on the third mainland bridge, he quickly came to her rescue, despite the misgivings they have for each other.
“At first she declined my help because she was still trying to be a tough lady. When it dawned on her that I was her shining knight, she had no choice.” Do you know that the few minutes they shared during that ride changed their lives?
“I don’t even know how it started. The next thing I know, I’m picking up his calls, having lunch dates with him, and so breathless whenever I see him.” said Becky
“I remember she said she never liked me because I was too egocentric. Really? I asked her and she told me I made it too obvious to her that I was the ladies man and I told her she was a hard nut to crack and made me feel like a loser.” Said Brian happily. Therefore, I asked, “How was the first kiss?” and they left me.
This is typical in couples, if a woman sees a man that he likes, she quickly get a turn off when he display his male chauvinism, a man on the other hand hates it when the lady proves too hard to get. Why do they get frustrated? Why do the guys show off their ego as a way of attracting a lady? Is it just to send a message of confidence or is it insecurity? Do ladies turn guys off because they feel the guy is not too hot for them? Watch out for the concluding part of this article.
Monday, December 28, 2009
WHY DO MEN CHEAT?
This is the question in the minds of thousands of women in the world. Why in the world would he look at another woman? Why must he always go after every thing under a skirt, what makes the other woman better off than me? Ladies keep asking these questions without any plausible answer. Today he is with you, loving you, caring for you and the next minute he is checking out the other woman. he acts as if you do not exist, easily flares up when you make a simple sentence, looks at you strangely, shakes his head like he just woke up from a bad dream and bluntly tell you, “I think this is all a big mistake, what was I thinking, I’m sorry Kate but we can’t go out any longer?” In addition, you ask yourself what you have done wrong. you reflect on your attitude, lifestyle, the times you spent together happily, trying to see where you made the mistake, whereas you did nothing, he just found another woman he wants to try out. OR
he might act lovingly while still screwing your girlfriend or the girl next door until you walk in on them. “OMG!” you scream. Angrily you kicked him out of the house, while you bleed your heart out and ask yourself if you were deformed in anyway. What does she have that I don’t? OR
He tries to get you angry so that you can get frustrated and ask for a break up. Seriously, what is wrong with men? I know women cheat but it cannot be compared to men. When confronted they say it is their nature. Nature? What does nature have to do with cheating? In the western world, divorce rate is increasing each passing day as couples get into marriage and the next minute they get out of it. Before, the general idea was that men are just sex crazed but with the recent events in the entertainment industry, I think it is more than the sex. Men are leaving their girlfriends, wives because of money and fame. If you think I’m lying, check out Fantasia, Alicia Keys among the others. Their boyfriends are men who dumped their wives to be attached to their fame. Seriously, how low can a man stoop? This money issue is common with the women but it seems the men are taking the reins.
When I asked this question on a radio station, I received various answers from men. Some said it is predestined for men right from creation to cheat; a man even referred me to the bible. Well, in the bible, Old Testament to be precise, King David and Solomon are the only promiscuous men but others at least practiced polygamy. However, men of this age are not into polygamy, they are into divorce. I am sure if I Google the most divorced man, I will definitely get a name. Some claim that the women made themselves available, I will partially agree to that because most women are so cheap. It’s as if they are telling the guys two can play the game, if my man is catching his fun why can’t I?
A man said it’s for fun, the fun of having a woman at your beck and call even though you have a woman, just catch the fun of screwing every woman who wants to be screwed.
I was shocked when a caller told me that men cheat because of what they hear from other men who are cheaters. These are his exact words, “sometimes when you are in the midst of your male friends and they start discussing their sex escapades with women, you will be tempted to try it out. Sometimes, a woman might pass by and Joe will describe how good or bad she is in bed or how easy to get her. It is quite disgusting but it is fun especially when they hook you up with her. However, sometimes talking about how many women you have under your fingertips kinda make you the real man.” Tell me something else brother, I have to be careful whenever I walk in the midst of men.
Another answer I got was from a married man, he said he cheats on his wife because he found out that the wife has a crush on his elder brother and was always giving him all the preferential treatment. In retaliation, he slept with his wife kid sister who he claimed was better off in bed than his wife did. My ears are quite full.
A real player called and said it is just in him to cheat on his girlfriends.
“Maybe I’m a nympho but I just can’t get my eyes off anything called girl. I broke up with my girlfriends more often than I do my laundry. It’s just in me.” What a comparison!
Someone said most times it is the women fault, they do not give the man what he wants and if the man finds another woman who can satisfy him, he will definitely go for her no matter how much he loves the other woman. What happened to compromise?
Only one male caller said something reasonably, he said, “A man who cheats on his woman does not respect her and is selfish. If you love your woman as you claim, no matter the temptation, you will always be faithful to her.”
Reminds me of what my elder sister told me when I was still a teenager, “Date a guy that is so crazy over you even when you catch him with another girl, he will leave her and come after you.”
Personally, I think men are hardwired, they either go for where they can get the sex, money or fame free, as long as it is free they are going for it. Like the honest dude said, it is only a man who disrespects his woman and is selfish that cheats on his woman. So my sisters if you are hooked with a brother who cannot take his eyes from your girlfriend or the girl next door or anything under a skirt, then let him go because he’s not worth it and stop berating yourself. You are okay; he is just too blind to see your beauty and worth. But, do not ever try to cheat on your man because he is cheating on you because you will end up getting hurt. Always give yourself time before you jump into another relationship. And brothers, zip up! No matter the reason for your infidelity, remember you love her and you would not like to hurt her, especially married men. It is either you are into polygamy or not.
To all my players out there, always have this at the back of your mind; you can never out beat Solomon in the bible and AIDS is real!
he might act lovingly while still screwing your girlfriend or the girl next door until you walk in on them. “OMG!” you scream. Angrily you kicked him out of the house, while you bleed your heart out and ask yourself if you were deformed in anyway. What does she have that I don’t? OR
He tries to get you angry so that you can get frustrated and ask for a break up. Seriously, what is wrong with men? I know women cheat but it cannot be compared to men. When confronted they say it is their nature. Nature? What does nature have to do with cheating? In the western world, divorce rate is increasing each passing day as couples get into marriage and the next minute they get out of it. Before, the general idea was that men are just sex crazed but with the recent events in the entertainment industry, I think it is more than the sex. Men are leaving their girlfriends, wives because of money and fame. If you think I’m lying, check out Fantasia, Alicia Keys among the others. Their boyfriends are men who dumped their wives to be attached to their fame. Seriously, how low can a man stoop? This money issue is common with the women but it seems the men are taking the reins.
When I asked this question on a radio station, I received various answers from men. Some said it is predestined for men right from creation to cheat; a man even referred me to the bible. Well, in the bible, Old Testament to be precise, King David and Solomon are the only promiscuous men but others at least practiced polygamy. However, men of this age are not into polygamy, they are into divorce. I am sure if I Google the most divorced man, I will definitely get a name. Some claim that the women made themselves available, I will partially agree to that because most women are so cheap. It’s as if they are telling the guys two can play the game, if my man is catching his fun why can’t I?
A man said it’s for fun, the fun of having a woman at your beck and call even though you have a woman, just catch the fun of screwing every woman who wants to be screwed.
I was shocked when a caller told me that men cheat because of what they hear from other men who are cheaters. These are his exact words, “sometimes when you are in the midst of your male friends and they start discussing their sex escapades with women, you will be tempted to try it out. Sometimes, a woman might pass by and Joe will describe how good or bad she is in bed or how easy to get her. It is quite disgusting but it is fun especially when they hook you up with her. However, sometimes talking about how many women you have under your fingertips kinda make you the real man.” Tell me something else brother, I have to be careful whenever I walk in the midst of men.
Another answer I got was from a married man, he said he cheats on his wife because he found out that the wife has a crush on his elder brother and was always giving him all the preferential treatment. In retaliation, he slept with his wife kid sister who he claimed was better off in bed than his wife did. My ears are quite full.
A real player called and said it is just in him to cheat on his girlfriends.
“Maybe I’m a nympho but I just can’t get my eyes off anything called girl. I broke up with my girlfriends more often than I do my laundry. It’s just in me.” What a comparison!
Someone said most times it is the women fault, they do not give the man what he wants and if the man finds another woman who can satisfy him, he will definitely go for her no matter how much he loves the other woman. What happened to compromise?
Only one male caller said something reasonably, he said, “A man who cheats on his woman does not respect her and is selfish. If you love your woman as you claim, no matter the temptation, you will always be faithful to her.”
Reminds me of what my elder sister told me when I was still a teenager, “Date a guy that is so crazy over you even when you catch him with another girl, he will leave her and come after you.”
Personally, I think men are hardwired, they either go for where they can get the sex, money or fame free, as long as it is free they are going for it. Like the honest dude said, it is only a man who disrespects his woman and is selfish that cheats on his woman. So my sisters if you are hooked with a brother who cannot take his eyes from your girlfriend or the girl next door or anything under a skirt, then let him go because he’s not worth it and stop berating yourself. You are okay; he is just too blind to see your beauty and worth. But, do not ever try to cheat on your man because he is cheating on you because you will end up getting hurt. Always give yourself time before you jump into another relationship. And brothers, zip up! No matter the reason for your infidelity, remember you love her and you would not like to hurt her, especially married men. It is either you are into polygamy or not.
To all my players out there, always have this at the back of your mind; you can never out beat Solomon in the bible and AIDS is real!
WHOSE APPROVAL?
Before I start, let me introduce you to my coterie, Brian; a 27 year old banker, May; 33 year old advertising agent, and Ify; 25 years old and a marketer. Of course, I am also in the picture, the writer. We are all single except May who just got married recently. We are known for our sultriness, intelligence and beauty. Anyway, back to my story.
Ify met a new guy recently and was eager to do the meet and greet. This was how she dragged us out of our somnolent Saturday afternoon to see her new boyfriend. We all arrived there groggily, hoping to see him, but had to wait for an extra hour before the expected boyfriend arrived. Immediately he walked in, Ify anxiously watched the expression on our faces, which I could say, now was disapproving. It’s not as if the guy was bad but because our expectations were not met, we all didn’t like him at first sight. Thus, we were unable to see other qualities he might possess. Ify became discouraged and felt that the guy was not good for him as she watched us put up our plastic smiles and monosyllabic conversations. In anger, she made a flimsy excuse to discharge the guy from our silent torture. The instant he left, we all pounced on her.
“What were you thinking?”, “Was he the best you could get?”, and on we went with our ranting. She looked at us frustratingly and screamed.
“I liked him and all I asked you guys to do was to approve of him, but you couldn’t even pretend you liked him. Now every feeling I have for him had suddenly died, thanks to you.” she stormed out of the room and we all looked at each other guiltily.
Coincidentally, I had a similar experience that night. As a writer, I am invited to events. I had hooked up with a guy that was a PA to a very prominent writer, who was having his book launch party that night so I invited my friends. I was so head over heels in love with him that I dressed all hot and foxy, just eager to show off myself to his friends who would be coming to the party as well. On getting to the party, I immediately spotted my Romeo and dragged him to meet my friends. They all exchanged pleasantries and he excused himself to attend to other guests. I turned to my friends for their opinion and was not happy with the response I got.
Ify said, “With the way you have been going about him, I thought I would see a prince charming.”
May said, “His taste in clothes is quite sophisticated than yours. Won’t you feel intimidated?” In addition, Brian said, “He definitely won’t stick with you forever.”
My high spirits instantly sank low. Throughout the party, I avoided him as hell as my mind raced through my friends words. I got home quite pissed at myself and I wondered why I acted the way I did towards him. Was it just because my friends didn’t like him or what? If they had approved of him, would I be feeling this way or not? Do I really need my friends’ approval to love the man of my dreams? Whose approval really counts when it comes to relationship?
It suddenly dawned on me that as rational beings, we all want to be accepted by everybody in the society. The same applies in relationships. When we meet a new lover, we are so excited and are eager to show them off to our friends and families for approval. If they end up not liking them as we have anticipated, we automatically feel they are right and dejected. As much as we will like our friends or families to approve our Romeos and Juliet’s, the court really is in our hands. We can choose to either go with our friends/families decisions or trust our instincts. It really does not matter who likes him or her as long as you love them. Your opinion counts more than any other person’s opinion. If you really think, you need your friends/families opinion before you can make a final decision, then fine with you. Before you hang out with a guy, there had been an attraction, and when the forces of attraction were working, your friends or family members were not there, so why make their opinions count. One thing we fail to understand is that our friends and families have their own expectations from us, and when we don’t meet up with it, they discourage us, which ought not to be so. You should be able to know when to take their opinion and when not to. As I told a friend once, do not discard every advice you receive because you never can tell when it might be handy. Therefore, if you meet someone you truly believe you love then you definitely don’t need anyone’s approval. All you can do is to listen to your friends whining and choose the salient ones. In addition, you should be able to show them the light as well. Make them understand while you chose him or her, talk about his good qualities and if you can exaggerate some truths, please do. Because, sometimes your loved ones could be a hard nut to crack. Just let them know what perspective to view your love from and you will be surprised at the turn of events.
Another thing you should bear in mind is that you cannot know someone within a minute. Your friends cannot really tell everything about your Romeo or Juliet by spending just thirty minutes with them. They need to see him or her for a while before they can pass their judgments. So my point; nobody’s approval counts more than yours, unless you are still a baby. Babies still need guidance.
With that conclusion, I went to cheer Ify up.
Ify met a new guy recently and was eager to do the meet and greet. This was how she dragged us out of our somnolent Saturday afternoon to see her new boyfriend. We all arrived there groggily, hoping to see him, but had to wait for an extra hour before the expected boyfriend arrived. Immediately he walked in, Ify anxiously watched the expression on our faces, which I could say, now was disapproving. It’s not as if the guy was bad but because our expectations were not met, we all didn’t like him at first sight. Thus, we were unable to see other qualities he might possess. Ify became discouraged and felt that the guy was not good for him as she watched us put up our plastic smiles and monosyllabic conversations. In anger, she made a flimsy excuse to discharge the guy from our silent torture. The instant he left, we all pounced on her.
“What were you thinking?”, “Was he the best you could get?”, and on we went with our ranting. She looked at us frustratingly and screamed.
“I liked him and all I asked you guys to do was to approve of him, but you couldn’t even pretend you liked him. Now every feeling I have for him had suddenly died, thanks to you.” she stormed out of the room and we all looked at each other guiltily.
Coincidentally, I had a similar experience that night. As a writer, I am invited to events. I had hooked up with a guy that was a PA to a very prominent writer, who was having his book launch party that night so I invited my friends. I was so head over heels in love with him that I dressed all hot and foxy, just eager to show off myself to his friends who would be coming to the party as well. On getting to the party, I immediately spotted my Romeo and dragged him to meet my friends. They all exchanged pleasantries and he excused himself to attend to other guests. I turned to my friends for their opinion and was not happy with the response I got.
Ify said, “With the way you have been going about him, I thought I would see a prince charming.”
May said, “His taste in clothes is quite sophisticated than yours. Won’t you feel intimidated?” In addition, Brian said, “He definitely won’t stick with you forever.”
My high spirits instantly sank low. Throughout the party, I avoided him as hell as my mind raced through my friends words. I got home quite pissed at myself and I wondered why I acted the way I did towards him. Was it just because my friends didn’t like him or what? If they had approved of him, would I be feeling this way or not? Do I really need my friends’ approval to love the man of my dreams? Whose approval really counts when it comes to relationship?
It suddenly dawned on me that as rational beings, we all want to be accepted by everybody in the society. The same applies in relationships. When we meet a new lover, we are so excited and are eager to show them off to our friends and families for approval. If they end up not liking them as we have anticipated, we automatically feel they are right and dejected. As much as we will like our friends or families to approve our Romeos and Juliet’s, the court really is in our hands. We can choose to either go with our friends/families decisions or trust our instincts. It really does not matter who likes him or her as long as you love them. Your opinion counts more than any other person’s opinion. If you really think, you need your friends/families opinion before you can make a final decision, then fine with you. Before you hang out with a guy, there had been an attraction, and when the forces of attraction were working, your friends or family members were not there, so why make their opinions count. One thing we fail to understand is that our friends and families have their own expectations from us, and when we don’t meet up with it, they discourage us, which ought not to be so. You should be able to know when to take their opinion and when not to. As I told a friend once, do not discard every advice you receive because you never can tell when it might be handy. Therefore, if you meet someone you truly believe you love then you definitely don’t need anyone’s approval. All you can do is to listen to your friends whining and choose the salient ones. In addition, you should be able to show them the light as well. Make them understand while you chose him or her, talk about his good qualities and if you can exaggerate some truths, please do. Because, sometimes your loved ones could be a hard nut to crack. Just let them know what perspective to view your love from and you will be surprised at the turn of events.
Another thing you should bear in mind is that you cannot know someone within a minute. Your friends cannot really tell everything about your Romeo or Juliet by spending just thirty minutes with them. They need to see him or her for a while before they can pass their judgments. So my point; nobody’s approval counts more than yours, unless you are still a baby. Babies still need guidance.
With that conclusion, I went to cheer Ify up.
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