WHOSE APPROVAL?

Before I start, let me introduce you to my coterie, Brian; a 27 year old banker, May; 33 year old advertising agent, and Ify; 25 years old and a marketer. Of course, I am also in the picture, the writer. We are all single except May who just got married recently. We are known for our sultriness, intelligence and beauty. Anyway, back to my story.
Ify met a new guy recently and was eager to do the meet and greet. This was how she dragged us out of our somnolent Saturday afternoon to see her new boyfriend. We all arrived there groggily, hoping to see him, but had to wait for an extra hour before the expected boyfriend arrived. Immediately he walked in, Ify anxiously watched the expression on our faces, which I could say, now was disapproving. It’s not as if the guy was bad but because our expectations were not met, we all didn’t like him at first sight. Thus, we were unable to see other qualities he might possess. Ify became discouraged and felt that the guy was not good for him as she watched us put up our plastic smiles and monosyllabic conversations. In anger, she made a flimsy excuse to discharge the guy from our silent torture. The instant he left, we all pounced on her.
“What were you thinking?”, “Was he the best you could get?”, and on we went with our ranting. She looked at us frustratingly and screamed.
“I liked him and all I asked you guys to do was to approve of him, but you couldn’t even pretend you liked him. Now every feeling I have for him had suddenly died, thanks to you.” she stormed out of the room and we all looked at each other guiltily.
Coincidentally, I had a similar experience that night. As a writer, I am invited to events. I had hooked up with a guy that was a PA to a very prominent writer, who was having his book launch party that night so I invited my friends. I was so head over heels in love with him that I dressed all hot and foxy, just eager to show off myself to his friends who would be coming to the party as well. On getting to the party, I immediately spotted my Romeo and dragged him to meet my friends. They all exchanged pleasantries and he excused himself to attend to other guests. I turned to my friends for their opinion and was not happy with the response I got.
Ify said, “With the way you have been going about him, I thought I would see a prince charming.”
May said, “His taste in clothes is quite sophisticated than yours. Won’t you feel intimidated?” In addition, Brian said, “He definitely won’t stick with you forever.”
My high spirits instantly sank low. Throughout the party, I avoided him as hell as my mind raced through my friends words. I got home quite pissed at myself and I wondered why I acted the way I did towards him. Was it just because my friends didn’t like him or what? If they had approved of him, would I be feeling this way or not? Do I really need my friends’ approval to love the man of my dreams? Whose approval really counts when it comes to relationship?
It suddenly dawned on me that as rational beings, we all want to be accepted by everybody in the society. The same applies in relationships. When we meet a new lover, we are so excited and are eager to show them off to our friends and families for approval. If they end up not liking them as we have anticipated, we automatically feel they are right and dejected. As much as we will like our friends or families to approve our Romeos and Juliet’s, the court really is in our hands. We can choose to either go with our friends/families decisions or trust our instincts. It really does not matter who likes him or her as long as you love them. Your opinion counts more than any other person’s opinion. If you really think, you need your friends/families opinion before you can make a final decision, then fine with you. Before you hang out with a guy, there had been an attraction, and when the forces of attraction were working, your friends or family members were not there, so why make their opinions count. One thing we fail to understand is that our friends and families have their own expectations from us, and when we don’t meet up with it, they discourage us, which ought not to be so. You should be able to know when to take their opinion and when not to. As I told a friend once, do not discard every advice you receive because you never can tell when it might be handy. Therefore, if you meet someone you truly believe you love then you definitely don’t need anyone’s approval. All you can do is to listen to your friends whining and choose the salient ones. In addition, you should be able to show them the light as well. Make them understand while you chose him or her, talk about his good qualities and if you can exaggerate some truths, please do. Because, sometimes your loved ones could be a hard nut to crack. Just let them know what perspective to view your love from and you will be surprised at the turn of events.
Another thing you should bear in mind is that you cannot know someone within a minute. Your friends cannot really tell everything about your Romeo or Juliet by spending just thirty minutes with them. They need to see him or her for a while before they can pass their judgments. So my point; nobody’s approval counts more than yours, unless you are still a baby. Babies still need guidance.
With that conclusion, I went to cheer Ify up.