Why is it that when a woman turns a man down the man thinks the woman is arrogant, especially when he has tried all his best to get her? Alternatively, for the women, when a man tries to show off his stuff, we easily pick up offence and call him arrogant. During the week, I encountered this drama with my friends, read and see if you can distinguish the arrogant one from the confident one.
Recently, Brian was promoted as the personal assistant to the manager of his bank, few weeks after his promotion, he got a new boss; an attractive sassy young lady, Becky Adenuga. Before Brian was introduced to her, he had thought that she was a new employee and was planning on how to ask her out. He had shown off the male chauvinism, which had automatically made Becky dislike him unknown to him. He had even boasted to his colleague that he will get her and she cannot resist his charm. Therefore, when she was asked to pick a PA, Brian was confident she would pick him because; he thought he was competent enough to be her PA than any of his colleagues. Moreover, it gives him the opportunity to be close to her despite the fact that it bugs him inside that she was his superior in the office. Unfortunately, she picked a colleague of his. All through that day, Brian fumed because he had been so nice to the lady since she assumed office. He felt that Becky was too arrogant. During board meetings, he was always contradicting any point she made. To make it worse, Becky orders her around like a servant because of her position in the office. At a point Brian went as far as checking out her curriculum vitae, disappointed that she had the right qualifications, he was still determined to get back at her. He knew he chose his colleague to torment him because he had made his interest in her obvious and she had turned him down. “I mean I am the ladies man.” He cried out to me.
One day, during the board meeting, Brian constantly challenged her to a point that Becky cried out: “this is why I did not pick you as my PA; you are just too full of yourself.” and she left the meeting angrily. “Everyone stared down at me so hard that I wished the ground should open and swallow me up.”
Later that day, he went to apologize to his boss (he said that sarcastically). She accepted but made it clear to him that she never wants to cross his path. Brian felt defeated and decided to lay low. “Like all my guys will do, I ignored her. We only exchanged formal greetings, which were all.”
Things went back to normal until a new female employee was employed and luckily, for Brian, Mrs. Coker was fond of him and was Becky superior. “What a nice way to show the lady that I’m still the man.”
Because of the fondness or favour as he calls it, Becky was no longer his boss; rather he was a boss of his own. This got Becky mad because she detests him. As fate would have it, after the end of a hard day at work, Brian was driving to the mainland from the island when he saw Becky stranded on the third mainland bridge, he quickly came to her rescue, despite the misgivings they have for each other.
“At first she declined my help because she was still trying to be a tough lady. When it dawned on her that I was her shining knight, she had no choice.” Do you know that the few minutes they shared during that ride changed their lives?
“I don’t even know how it started. The next thing I know, I’m picking up his calls, having lunch dates with him, and so breathless whenever I see him.” said Becky
“I remember she said she never liked me because I was too egocentric. Really? I asked her and she told me I made it too obvious to her that I was the ladies man and I told her she was a hard nut to crack and made me feel like a loser.” Said Brian happily. Therefore, I asked, “How was the first kiss?” and they left me.
This is typical in couples, if a woman sees a man that he likes, she quickly get a turn off when he display his male chauvinism, a man on the other hand hates it when the lady proves too hard to get. Why do they get frustrated? Why do the guys show off their ego as a way of attracting a lady? Is it just to send a message of confidence or is it insecurity? Do ladies turn guys off because they feel the guy is not too hot for them? Watch out for the concluding part of this article.
Monday, December 28, 2009
WHY DO MEN CHEAT?
This is the question in the minds of thousands of women in the world. Why in the world would he look at another woman? Why must he always go after every thing under a skirt, what makes the other woman better off than me? Ladies keep asking these questions without any plausible answer. Today he is with you, loving you, caring for you and the next minute he is checking out the other woman. he acts as if you do not exist, easily flares up when you make a simple sentence, looks at you strangely, shakes his head like he just woke up from a bad dream and bluntly tell you, “I think this is all a big mistake, what was I thinking, I’m sorry Kate but we can’t go out any longer?” In addition, you ask yourself what you have done wrong. you reflect on your attitude, lifestyle, the times you spent together happily, trying to see where you made the mistake, whereas you did nothing, he just found another woman he wants to try out. OR
he might act lovingly while still screwing your girlfriend or the girl next door until you walk in on them. “OMG!” you scream. Angrily you kicked him out of the house, while you bleed your heart out and ask yourself if you were deformed in anyway. What does she have that I don’t? OR
He tries to get you angry so that you can get frustrated and ask for a break up. Seriously, what is wrong with men? I know women cheat but it cannot be compared to men. When confronted they say it is their nature. Nature? What does nature have to do with cheating? In the western world, divorce rate is increasing each passing day as couples get into marriage and the next minute they get out of it. Before, the general idea was that men are just sex crazed but with the recent events in the entertainment industry, I think it is more than the sex. Men are leaving their girlfriends, wives because of money and fame. If you think I’m lying, check out Fantasia, Alicia Keys among the others. Their boyfriends are men who dumped their wives to be attached to their fame. Seriously, how low can a man stoop? This money issue is common with the women but it seems the men are taking the reins.
When I asked this question on a radio station, I received various answers from men. Some said it is predestined for men right from creation to cheat; a man even referred me to the bible. Well, in the bible, Old Testament to be precise, King David and Solomon are the only promiscuous men but others at least practiced polygamy. However, men of this age are not into polygamy, they are into divorce. I am sure if I Google the most divorced man, I will definitely get a name. Some claim that the women made themselves available, I will partially agree to that because most women are so cheap. It’s as if they are telling the guys two can play the game, if my man is catching his fun why can’t I?
A man said it’s for fun, the fun of having a woman at your beck and call even though you have a woman, just catch the fun of screwing every woman who wants to be screwed.
I was shocked when a caller told me that men cheat because of what they hear from other men who are cheaters. These are his exact words, “sometimes when you are in the midst of your male friends and they start discussing their sex escapades with women, you will be tempted to try it out. Sometimes, a woman might pass by and Joe will describe how good or bad she is in bed or how easy to get her. It is quite disgusting but it is fun especially when they hook you up with her. However, sometimes talking about how many women you have under your fingertips kinda make you the real man.” Tell me something else brother, I have to be careful whenever I walk in the midst of men.
Another answer I got was from a married man, he said he cheats on his wife because he found out that the wife has a crush on his elder brother and was always giving him all the preferential treatment. In retaliation, he slept with his wife kid sister who he claimed was better off in bed than his wife did. My ears are quite full.
A real player called and said it is just in him to cheat on his girlfriends.
“Maybe I’m a nympho but I just can’t get my eyes off anything called girl. I broke up with my girlfriends more often than I do my laundry. It’s just in me.” What a comparison!
Someone said most times it is the women fault, they do not give the man what he wants and if the man finds another woman who can satisfy him, he will definitely go for her no matter how much he loves the other woman. What happened to compromise?
Only one male caller said something reasonably, he said, “A man who cheats on his woman does not respect her and is selfish. If you love your woman as you claim, no matter the temptation, you will always be faithful to her.”
Reminds me of what my elder sister told me when I was still a teenager, “Date a guy that is so crazy over you even when you catch him with another girl, he will leave her and come after you.”
Personally, I think men are hardwired, they either go for where they can get the sex, money or fame free, as long as it is free they are going for it. Like the honest dude said, it is only a man who disrespects his woman and is selfish that cheats on his woman. So my sisters if you are hooked with a brother who cannot take his eyes from your girlfriend or the girl next door or anything under a skirt, then let him go because he’s not worth it and stop berating yourself. You are okay; he is just too blind to see your beauty and worth. But, do not ever try to cheat on your man because he is cheating on you because you will end up getting hurt. Always give yourself time before you jump into another relationship. And brothers, zip up! No matter the reason for your infidelity, remember you love her and you would not like to hurt her, especially married men. It is either you are into polygamy or not.
To all my players out there, always have this at the back of your mind; you can never out beat Solomon in the bible and AIDS is real!
he might act lovingly while still screwing your girlfriend or the girl next door until you walk in on them. “OMG!” you scream. Angrily you kicked him out of the house, while you bleed your heart out and ask yourself if you were deformed in anyway. What does she have that I don’t? OR
He tries to get you angry so that you can get frustrated and ask for a break up. Seriously, what is wrong with men? I know women cheat but it cannot be compared to men. When confronted they say it is their nature. Nature? What does nature have to do with cheating? In the western world, divorce rate is increasing each passing day as couples get into marriage and the next minute they get out of it. Before, the general idea was that men are just sex crazed but with the recent events in the entertainment industry, I think it is more than the sex. Men are leaving their girlfriends, wives because of money and fame. If you think I’m lying, check out Fantasia, Alicia Keys among the others. Their boyfriends are men who dumped their wives to be attached to their fame. Seriously, how low can a man stoop? This money issue is common with the women but it seems the men are taking the reins.
When I asked this question on a radio station, I received various answers from men. Some said it is predestined for men right from creation to cheat; a man even referred me to the bible. Well, in the bible, Old Testament to be precise, King David and Solomon are the only promiscuous men but others at least practiced polygamy. However, men of this age are not into polygamy, they are into divorce. I am sure if I Google the most divorced man, I will definitely get a name. Some claim that the women made themselves available, I will partially agree to that because most women are so cheap. It’s as if they are telling the guys two can play the game, if my man is catching his fun why can’t I?
A man said it’s for fun, the fun of having a woman at your beck and call even though you have a woman, just catch the fun of screwing every woman who wants to be screwed.
I was shocked when a caller told me that men cheat because of what they hear from other men who are cheaters. These are his exact words, “sometimes when you are in the midst of your male friends and they start discussing their sex escapades with women, you will be tempted to try it out. Sometimes, a woman might pass by and Joe will describe how good or bad she is in bed or how easy to get her. It is quite disgusting but it is fun especially when they hook you up with her. However, sometimes talking about how many women you have under your fingertips kinda make you the real man.” Tell me something else brother, I have to be careful whenever I walk in the midst of men.
Another answer I got was from a married man, he said he cheats on his wife because he found out that the wife has a crush on his elder brother and was always giving him all the preferential treatment. In retaliation, he slept with his wife kid sister who he claimed was better off in bed than his wife did. My ears are quite full.
A real player called and said it is just in him to cheat on his girlfriends.
“Maybe I’m a nympho but I just can’t get my eyes off anything called girl. I broke up with my girlfriends more often than I do my laundry. It’s just in me.” What a comparison!
Someone said most times it is the women fault, they do not give the man what he wants and if the man finds another woman who can satisfy him, he will definitely go for her no matter how much he loves the other woman. What happened to compromise?
Only one male caller said something reasonably, he said, “A man who cheats on his woman does not respect her and is selfish. If you love your woman as you claim, no matter the temptation, you will always be faithful to her.”
Reminds me of what my elder sister told me when I was still a teenager, “Date a guy that is so crazy over you even when you catch him with another girl, he will leave her and come after you.”
Personally, I think men are hardwired, they either go for where they can get the sex, money or fame free, as long as it is free they are going for it. Like the honest dude said, it is only a man who disrespects his woman and is selfish that cheats on his woman. So my sisters if you are hooked with a brother who cannot take his eyes from your girlfriend or the girl next door or anything under a skirt, then let him go because he’s not worth it and stop berating yourself. You are okay; he is just too blind to see your beauty and worth. But, do not ever try to cheat on your man because he is cheating on you because you will end up getting hurt. Always give yourself time before you jump into another relationship. And brothers, zip up! No matter the reason for your infidelity, remember you love her and you would not like to hurt her, especially married men. It is either you are into polygamy or not.
To all my players out there, always have this at the back of your mind; you can never out beat Solomon in the bible and AIDS is real!
WHOSE APPROVAL?
Before I start, let me introduce you to my coterie, Brian; a 27 year old banker, May; 33 year old advertising agent, and Ify; 25 years old and a marketer. Of course, I am also in the picture, the writer. We are all single except May who just got married recently. We are known for our sultriness, intelligence and beauty. Anyway, back to my story.
Ify met a new guy recently and was eager to do the meet and greet. This was how she dragged us out of our somnolent Saturday afternoon to see her new boyfriend. We all arrived there groggily, hoping to see him, but had to wait for an extra hour before the expected boyfriend arrived. Immediately he walked in, Ify anxiously watched the expression on our faces, which I could say, now was disapproving. It’s not as if the guy was bad but because our expectations were not met, we all didn’t like him at first sight. Thus, we were unable to see other qualities he might possess. Ify became discouraged and felt that the guy was not good for him as she watched us put up our plastic smiles and monosyllabic conversations. In anger, she made a flimsy excuse to discharge the guy from our silent torture. The instant he left, we all pounced on her.
“What were you thinking?”, “Was he the best you could get?”, and on we went with our ranting. She looked at us frustratingly and screamed.
“I liked him and all I asked you guys to do was to approve of him, but you couldn’t even pretend you liked him. Now every feeling I have for him had suddenly died, thanks to you.” she stormed out of the room and we all looked at each other guiltily.
Coincidentally, I had a similar experience that night. As a writer, I am invited to events. I had hooked up with a guy that was a PA to a very prominent writer, who was having his book launch party that night so I invited my friends. I was so head over heels in love with him that I dressed all hot and foxy, just eager to show off myself to his friends who would be coming to the party as well. On getting to the party, I immediately spotted my Romeo and dragged him to meet my friends. They all exchanged pleasantries and he excused himself to attend to other guests. I turned to my friends for their opinion and was not happy with the response I got.
Ify said, “With the way you have been going about him, I thought I would see a prince charming.”
May said, “His taste in clothes is quite sophisticated than yours. Won’t you feel intimidated?” In addition, Brian said, “He definitely won’t stick with you forever.”
My high spirits instantly sank low. Throughout the party, I avoided him as hell as my mind raced through my friends words. I got home quite pissed at myself and I wondered why I acted the way I did towards him. Was it just because my friends didn’t like him or what? If they had approved of him, would I be feeling this way or not? Do I really need my friends’ approval to love the man of my dreams? Whose approval really counts when it comes to relationship?
It suddenly dawned on me that as rational beings, we all want to be accepted by everybody in the society. The same applies in relationships. When we meet a new lover, we are so excited and are eager to show them off to our friends and families for approval. If they end up not liking them as we have anticipated, we automatically feel they are right and dejected. As much as we will like our friends or families to approve our Romeos and Juliet’s, the court really is in our hands. We can choose to either go with our friends/families decisions or trust our instincts. It really does not matter who likes him or her as long as you love them. Your opinion counts more than any other person’s opinion. If you really think, you need your friends/families opinion before you can make a final decision, then fine with you. Before you hang out with a guy, there had been an attraction, and when the forces of attraction were working, your friends or family members were not there, so why make their opinions count. One thing we fail to understand is that our friends and families have their own expectations from us, and when we don’t meet up with it, they discourage us, which ought not to be so. You should be able to know when to take their opinion and when not to. As I told a friend once, do not discard every advice you receive because you never can tell when it might be handy. Therefore, if you meet someone you truly believe you love then you definitely don’t need anyone’s approval. All you can do is to listen to your friends whining and choose the salient ones. In addition, you should be able to show them the light as well. Make them understand while you chose him or her, talk about his good qualities and if you can exaggerate some truths, please do. Because, sometimes your loved ones could be a hard nut to crack. Just let them know what perspective to view your love from and you will be surprised at the turn of events.
Another thing you should bear in mind is that you cannot know someone within a minute. Your friends cannot really tell everything about your Romeo or Juliet by spending just thirty minutes with them. They need to see him or her for a while before they can pass their judgments. So my point; nobody’s approval counts more than yours, unless you are still a baby. Babies still need guidance.
With that conclusion, I went to cheer Ify up.
Ify met a new guy recently and was eager to do the meet and greet. This was how she dragged us out of our somnolent Saturday afternoon to see her new boyfriend. We all arrived there groggily, hoping to see him, but had to wait for an extra hour before the expected boyfriend arrived. Immediately he walked in, Ify anxiously watched the expression on our faces, which I could say, now was disapproving. It’s not as if the guy was bad but because our expectations were not met, we all didn’t like him at first sight. Thus, we were unable to see other qualities he might possess. Ify became discouraged and felt that the guy was not good for him as she watched us put up our plastic smiles and monosyllabic conversations. In anger, she made a flimsy excuse to discharge the guy from our silent torture. The instant he left, we all pounced on her.
“What were you thinking?”, “Was he the best you could get?”, and on we went with our ranting. She looked at us frustratingly and screamed.
“I liked him and all I asked you guys to do was to approve of him, but you couldn’t even pretend you liked him. Now every feeling I have for him had suddenly died, thanks to you.” she stormed out of the room and we all looked at each other guiltily.
Coincidentally, I had a similar experience that night. As a writer, I am invited to events. I had hooked up with a guy that was a PA to a very prominent writer, who was having his book launch party that night so I invited my friends. I was so head over heels in love with him that I dressed all hot and foxy, just eager to show off myself to his friends who would be coming to the party as well. On getting to the party, I immediately spotted my Romeo and dragged him to meet my friends. They all exchanged pleasantries and he excused himself to attend to other guests. I turned to my friends for their opinion and was not happy with the response I got.
Ify said, “With the way you have been going about him, I thought I would see a prince charming.”
May said, “His taste in clothes is quite sophisticated than yours. Won’t you feel intimidated?” In addition, Brian said, “He definitely won’t stick with you forever.”
My high spirits instantly sank low. Throughout the party, I avoided him as hell as my mind raced through my friends words. I got home quite pissed at myself and I wondered why I acted the way I did towards him. Was it just because my friends didn’t like him or what? If they had approved of him, would I be feeling this way or not? Do I really need my friends’ approval to love the man of my dreams? Whose approval really counts when it comes to relationship?
It suddenly dawned on me that as rational beings, we all want to be accepted by everybody in the society. The same applies in relationships. When we meet a new lover, we are so excited and are eager to show them off to our friends and families for approval. If they end up not liking them as we have anticipated, we automatically feel they are right and dejected. As much as we will like our friends or families to approve our Romeos and Juliet’s, the court really is in our hands. We can choose to either go with our friends/families decisions or trust our instincts. It really does not matter who likes him or her as long as you love them. Your opinion counts more than any other person’s opinion. If you really think, you need your friends/families opinion before you can make a final decision, then fine with you. Before you hang out with a guy, there had been an attraction, and when the forces of attraction were working, your friends or family members were not there, so why make their opinions count. One thing we fail to understand is that our friends and families have their own expectations from us, and when we don’t meet up with it, they discourage us, which ought not to be so. You should be able to know when to take their opinion and when not to. As I told a friend once, do not discard every advice you receive because you never can tell when it might be handy. Therefore, if you meet someone you truly believe you love then you definitely don’t need anyone’s approval. All you can do is to listen to your friends whining and choose the salient ones. In addition, you should be able to show them the light as well. Make them understand while you chose him or her, talk about his good qualities and if you can exaggerate some truths, please do. Because, sometimes your loved ones could be a hard nut to crack. Just let them know what perspective to view your love from and you will be surprised at the turn of events.
Another thing you should bear in mind is that you cannot know someone within a minute. Your friends cannot really tell everything about your Romeo or Juliet by spending just thirty minutes with them. They need to see him or her for a while before they can pass their judgments. So my point; nobody’s approval counts more than yours, unless you are still a baby. Babies still need guidance.
With that conclusion, I went to cheer Ify up.
Monday, September 7, 2009
NIGERIA-THE GIANT OF AFRICA
The melodrama in Nigeria is increasing each passing day. The conflicts varies, from abduction to political clashes, the list seem inexorable. Nigeria’s crises have reached an invincible state as there has been no conciliatory approach to curb the situation. Millions of innocent people are dying for sins they do not commit. The rulers are busy preparing mendacious propaganda neglecting the focal issue. Instead of resolving the conflicts, they are busy pointing fingers at each other over banal issues. Recently, the northern crisis in the country had done nothing more than to increase the rate of such disputes.
Nigeria is ripping apart gradually; there is no unity among its people. Formerly, clashes were limited to inter-tribal clashes but now it is being extended to clans. All these are ominous signs that the great giant of Africa is splitting into fragments. The current situation in Nigeria is devastating, ASUU is on strike, the education sector is crumbling, the power situation in the country is nothing to write home about, unemployment is eating deep into the society, resulting to brain drain as our graduates seeks greener pastures in foreign lands. The banking sector is dissolving with the recent dismissal of five major banks CEOs. It also revealed many backstage acts by the famous glitterati in our society who clam our media and make the poor envious.
With this entire catastrophe, one may begin to wonder where the good people and the good nation are. What is the evident that Nigeria is still a nation when everyday there is one snag or the other? Who are the good people in Nigeria when all we do is to fight each other and disintegrate? The president sits on his throne with his allies doing nothing but making trivia statements where the most salient issues are still unresolved. It’s as if Nigeria is walking in shadows, nothing is progressing, coupled with the economic meltdown, the country might crumble before 2020.
It is quite inconceivable that in a civilized era like this that the Northern part of the country would fight against western education. The worst is that they have political support which simplifies that some people in the inner caucus are behind this. Also, the council of states advised the federal government to carry out the deregulation of the downstream sector without any cushioning effect on the masses. In a normal mixed economy, if the sole right of petroleum resources is given to the government, it tends to reduce the price of petroleum products, but in Nigeria the reverse may be the case, as the facilities may not be adequately maintained or managed and there might still be inflation in prices due to our fraudulent leaders and bureaucracy in the system. The House of Assembly should not pass the bill and the Labour should fight this evil that is being meted out on the masses.
In Lagos state, the government in their bid to make Lagos a mega city has left many citizens devastated as their source of living are being destroyed. Demolition of buildings has become a daily activity, people are forced to stay at home or go back to their own states. The governor did not consider the burden inflicted on the victims in the implementation of this exercise and failed to provide an alternative for its victims, coupled with the high rate of unemployment in the state, the result will definitely increase crime rate, as an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
What do all these signify? It simply means that the country‘s problems are too small for its size. How long are we going to fold our hands and watch the giant of Africa reduced to ant? Do we continue to reproach our leaders and still do nothing or we take the bold step and work towards the resolution?
One thing is certain; the leaders are not to be blamed totally, because each and every one of us is a leader one way or the other. We all have been infected with corruption; it is now deep-rooted in our system that we might need thorough cleansing to erase the birthmark of corruption from our blood. The funniest aspect is that the rate of crime in the country is not as high as that of America but yet we are rated as the third most corrupted country. We lack good judicial system, we are simply a lawless nation, and everyone is a law on its own.
Part of the blame should also go to the colonial masters. They were inconsiderate in the creation of the country, if they had divided Nigeria into three or four countries, it would have been able to manage its problems. Take Ghana for example, it is a small country but it is still well organized. South Africa is another country that has placed Nigeria in a ridicule state, merely two decades they gained independence; they are far developed than our country. We have most of our companies relocating to South Africa, most of our musicians and movie producers go there for their video shooting, some families spend their holidays there. What then can we say about our country? We have been ruled by bad leaders and it is detrimental to its citizens. Nigeria may claim to be a free country but it is still enslaved by depravity. It is not time for seeking who to bear the onus but time to start making amendment to restore our value. It is quite devastating that our youths are joining the militant group as a way of venting out their anger towards the leaders; abduction has become a daily threat to politicians and the elites in the country.
The Niger delta might be justified in their fights to improve their welfare but the measures taken are not apt. Who will be left to kill when everybody is killed? Niger delta is becoming a tinderbox that might thrust Nigeria into another civil war. The Biafrans are also at the other side; they might also seek retribution soon.
Nigerians need to out face their problem and work towards pacifism. A lot needs to be done; we must first of all accept one another, which is one way of getting the job done. How can one say we are one when the house is divided? It cannot stand. The leaders should stop accusing militants of murder, because there is no difference between killing someone and sending out order to kill someone. We all are guilty of murder. The next step is to erase all the bad eggs in the society and a good arbitrary, void of corruption should be established, a good leader should not necessarily assume office by cronyism, rather by virtue. All important issues should be explored. There should be a reconstitution of our laws. Nigeria may claim to be an independent country but it is still enslaved by its laws. Most of the laws in the constitution are outdated thus making it difficult for our leaders to adapt to new changes in relation to the revolution of time. If we remove the veil in our eyes, we will be able to see clearly and work towards a good means of restoring the value of our country.
What belongs to Caesar must be return to Caesar and what belongs to God must be return to God. The amnesty given to the Niger delta should not be used as a ploy to avoid their responsibility to improve the welfare of the area. The amnesty is good but the question is, will it completely obliterate another reoccurrence or is it just a short term solution? The three billion naira given to the militants is it to develop the area or to stop the harm that they are instigating on the economy? If the latter is the case, the government should be assured that the peace will not last long because these militants are also corrupt. They are also reaping from the fight, they engage in vices like oil bunkering and abduction. In essence, what the government is doing is giving the custody of a chunk of meat to a dog, the same meat that good for a man when they are fully aware that the dog will also eat the meat, as well as promising to do the maximum of their minimum best to curb the situation. The best resolution to the Niger delta problem is to develop the area by themselves and not bestowing the responsibility to anybody. Good roads, standard education, and other basic amenities should be provided. If they do all these, peace will definitely be restored.
It is high time Nigeria regained its strength as giant of Africa
The melodrama in Nigeria is increasing each passing day. The conflicts varies, from abduction to political clashes, the list seem inexorable. Nigeria’s crises have reached an invincible state as there has been no conciliatory approach to curb the situation. Millions of innocent people are dying for sins they do not commit. The rulers are busy preparing mendacious propaganda neglecting the focal issue. Instead of resolving the conflicts, they are busy pointing fingers at each other over banal issues. Recently, the northern crisis in the country had done nothing more than to increase the rate of such disputes.
Nigeria is ripping apart gradually; there is no unity among its people. Formerly, clashes were limited to inter-tribal clashes but now it is being extended to clans. All these are ominous signs that the great giant of Africa is splitting into fragments. The current situation in Nigeria is devastating, ASUU is on strike, the education sector is crumbling, the power situation in the country is nothing to write home about, unemployment is eating deep into the society, resulting to brain drain as our graduates seeks greener pastures in foreign lands. The banking sector is dissolving with the recent dismissal of five major banks CEOs. It also revealed many backstage acts by the famous glitterati in our society who clam our media and make the poor envious.
With this entire catastrophe, one may begin to wonder where the good people and the good nation are. What is the evident that Nigeria is still a nation when everyday there is one snag or the other? Who are the good people in Nigeria when all we do is to fight each other and disintegrate? The president sits on his throne with his allies doing nothing but making trivia statements where the most salient issues are still unresolved. It’s as if Nigeria is walking in shadows, nothing is progressing, coupled with the economic meltdown, the country might crumble before 2020.
It is quite inconceivable that in a civilized era like this that the Northern part of the country would fight against western education. The worst is that they have political support which simplifies that some people in the inner caucus are behind this. Also, the council of states advised the federal government to carry out the deregulation of the downstream sector without any cushioning effect on the masses. In a normal mixed economy, if the sole right of petroleum resources is given to the government, it tends to reduce the price of petroleum products, but in Nigeria the reverse may be the case, as the facilities may not be adequately maintained or managed and there might still be inflation in prices due to our fraudulent leaders and bureaucracy in the system. The House of Assembly should not pass the bill and the Labour should fight this evil that is being meted out on the masses.
In Lagos state, the government in their bid to make Lagos a mega city has left many citizens devastated as their source of living are being destroyed. Demolition of buildings has become a daily activity, people are forced to stay at home or go back to their own states. The governor did not consider the burden inflicted on the victims in the implementation of this exercise and failed to provide an alternative for its victims, coupled with the high rate of unemployment in the state, the result will definitely increase crime rate, as an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
What do all these signify? It simply means that the country‘s problems are too small for its size. How long are we going to fold our hands and watch the giant of Africa reduced to ant? Do we continue to reproach our leaders and still do nothing or we take the bold step and work towards the resolution?
One thing is certain; the leaders are not to be blamed totally, because each and every one of us is a leader one way or the other. We all have been infected with corruption; it is now deep-rooted in our system that we might need thorough cleansing to erase the birthmark of corruption from our blood. The funniest aspect is that the rate of crime in the country is not as high as that of America but yet we are rated as the third most corrupted country. We lack good judicial system, we are simply a lawless nation, and everyone is a law on its own.
Part of the blame should also go to the colonial masters. They were inconsiderate in the creation of the country, if they had divided Nigeria into three or four countries, it would have been able to manage its problems. Take Ghana for example, it is a small country but it is still well organized. South Africa is another country that has placed Nigeria in a ridicule state, merely two decades they gained independence; they are far developed than our country. We have most of our companies relocating to South Africa, most of our musicians and movie producers go there for their video shooting, some families spend their holidays there. What then can we say about our country? We have been ruled by bad leaders and it is detrimental to its citizens. Nigeria may claim to be a free country but it is still enslaved by depravity. It is not time for seeking who to bear the onus but time to start making amendment to restore our value. It is quite devastating that our youths are joining the militant group as a way of venting out their anger towards the leaders; abduction has become a daily threat to politicians and the elites in the country.
The Niger delta might be justified in their fights to improve their welfare but the measures taken are not apt. Who will be left to kill when everybody is killed? Niger delta is becoming a tinderbox that might thrust Nigeria into another civil war. The Biafrans are also at the other side; they might also seek retribution soon.
Nigerians need to out face their problem and work towards pacifism. A lot needs to be done; we must first of all accept one another, which is one way of getting the job done. How can one say we are one when the house is divided? It cannot stand. The leaders should stop accusing militants of murder, because there is no difference between killing someone and sending out order to kill someone. We all are guilty of murder. The next step is to erase all the bad eggs in the society and a good arbitrary, void of corruption should be established, a good leader should not necessarily assume office by cronyism, rather by virtue. All important issues should be explored. There should be a reconstitution of our laws. Nigeria may claim to be an independent country but it is still enslaved by its laws. Most of the laws in the constitution are outdated thus making it difficult for our leaders to adapt to new changes in relation to the revolution of time. If we remove the veil in our eyes, we will be able to see clearly and work towards a good means of restoring the value of our country.
What belongs to Caesar must be return to Caesar and what belongs to God must be return to God. The amnesty given to the Niger delta should not be used as a ploy to avoid their responsibility to improve the welfare of the area. The amnesty is good but the question is, will it completely obliterate another reoccurrence or is it just a short term solution? The three billion naira given to the militants is it to develop the area or to stop the harm that they are instigating on the economy? If the latter is the case, the government should be assured that the peace will not last long because these militants are also corrupt. They are also reaping from the fight, they engage in vices like oil bunkering and abduction. In essence, what the government is doing is giving the custody of a chunk of meat to a dog, the same meat that good for a man when they are fully aware that the dog will also eat the meat, as well as promising to do the maximum of their minimum best to curb the situation. The best resolution to the Niger delta problem is to develop the area by themselves and not bestowing the responsibility to anybody. Good roads, standard education, and other basic amenities should be provided. If they do all these, peace will definitely be restored.
It is high time Nigeria regained its strength as giant of Africa
DEALING WITH THE EX FILES
A friend paid me a visit the other day and during our discussion, she asked me if it was advisable to tell her fiancé about her ex. At that moment, I had no specific answer because I have not thought about it so I quickly told her that it depended on what she wanted to tell her fiancé about her ex. After she left I really thought about it. Why do we talk about our ex in a new relationship? Why are we so eager to talk about the past? Is it for security reasons or pity?
When it comes to a relationship, many things could go wrong with just those two letters, ‘ex’. While the intention might be to clear your closet, it might as well inflict mistrust on you by your spouse. We all have our mistakes and sins we have committed in the past. As much as we want the other party to see us in a new perspective, he or she may be force to recall your past deeds when you act in a similar way. Our ex should be our ex, and nothing more. There are some mistakes we all make when it comes to the ex files. They might seem common but they have caused more harm than good. Some of them include:
Telling your spouse about your ex: Is it necessary to tell your spouse about your ex? The answer to this question requires one to be diplomatic. Firstly, you must ask yourself why you want to tell him or her about your ex. Is it to clear your conscience or to leave a good impression on him or her? Is it an act of sincerity or is it just a formality? Secondly, you should be able to determine what angle of your ex you want your spouse to know about. Are you going to tell him or her about how your ex broke your heart, or how he cheated on you, or maybe the kind of attitude expressed in the relationship? You should not also neglect your own role in the relationship, because many of us are more eager to be the piteous one, seeking for sympathy, whereas we might be the cause of the breakup. If you have to be truthful, you should tell the truth to the very last bit. However, if he or she does not ask about it or probably stops you before you began, you should accept it in good faith. He/she is probably not interested. Nevertheless, if you think there are some important things your spouse should know about your ex that had influenced your way of life, please call it to his/her attention. It is better for your spouse to know earlier than never.
Inviting you ex to your love nest: I have seen many couples invite their ex to their love nest and I wonder what picture they are trying to paint. If your ex is your ex, then there is no need to go the extra mile by inviting him or her to be part of your new life. I am not saying you should make him your enemy or probably refuse to invite him or her for a meal when he is dying of hunger. No! The angle I am pointing at is when it becomes more than a monthly visit. You may think that you are building a friendship zone but you are actually mounting a war zone. Here are some questions you should ask yourself before you make such decisions:
How convinced are you that your ex is over you as much as you claim you are over him or her? How comfortable is your spouse over his or her regular visits? Is he receiving him or her with his arms wide open or with a poker face? Fine, there are exes who have turned out to be best friends but at least they were able to draw the lines. You do not get to the top of the mountain by standing at the base. You must climb the mountain! Have you been able to clarify his purpose of visits? Is he just checking up on you, or is he having a secret agenda up his sleeve? Is he happy for your new love or is he planning to rip you and your love apart? You might have a good intention but you cannot say the same for your ex. He or she might be holding some unexpressed feelings about you; it could be either love or hatred. Whichever, it spells out danger! So be very prudent about this before you venture into such rash decision.
Communicating more with your ex than your spouse: There is nothing more hurtful to a man or a woman than to realize that his or her spouse spends more time communicating with his or her ex than with him or her. The greatest mistake one can make is to make his or her love life an open book for his or her ex. To share intimate issues about your love life with your ex is like giving him or her a knife to kill you. The only reason acceptable for such acts is if the current relationship poses a threat to you. However, when this is not the case, then the act should not be encouraged, as it will lead to mistrust. Your spouse might end up feeling insecure about the relationship. He/she will have no choice than to believe that you still harbour feelings for your ex, and you feel more comfortable with your ex than you do with him or her. The most common mistake committed in a relationship is our inability to define the kind of relationship we keep with our ex after the breakup. One advice, if you still have feelings for your ex, do not venture into another relationship. If the possibility of reconciling with your ex is still high, then reconcile. It is of no use being with another man when your heart still long for your ex touch or kiss. If the reverse is the case then try to limit how much time you spend with him or her as well as avoiding the number of times you mention your ex name during conversations. This will only betray your hidden feelings.
Lastly, do not ever set up a meeting between your spouse and your ex. It makes absolutely no sense! Some people might perform this action as a way of sending their ex a message, while the ex might likewise be sending your spouse a message that might end up breaking your relationship. Never you make your ex approval your basis of dating your spouse. As much as you think he should be able to evaluate your spouse before you start a relationship with him or her, it is a very wrong step to take. You will end up making your spouse trying to live up to your ex shoes, which is very detrimental to the relationship.
Like I pointed earlier, the past should be your past and should not have a foothold in the present, unless the future will never be bright. If there is no need of discussing your ex with your spouse, take my advice; keep your mouth shut.
my greatest mistake
MY GREATEST MISTAKE
If I had known that fate would turn out like this, I would not have made the mistake I made ten years ago. I was so deceived by my aunt that I allowed her to ruin my happiness and future. I never knew that fate would always catch up with me. If I had, probably I won’t be shaking my head in deep regret now. It all started six years ago.
I came to Lagos to assist my aunt; Mrs. Ngozi in the upbringing of her children as well as make a living for myself in the city. My aunt lived in Ajegunle, the ghetto side of the city. It was a two room apartment in a general yard. I had to sleep in the sitting room to give my aunt and her husband privacy. Her two kids slept in the room with them except on rare occasions. I didn’t really have a nice time for the first few days, I was always the mockery of little children since I wasn’t good in Pidgin English and my Ibo accent didn’t help matters at all. I was always infuriated by their jests and was quick to vent my anger on any of my adversaries. It was on one of such occasions that I met Chidi.
I never knew he was my neighbour because I mostly kept to myself to avoid any snag. I was fetching water at the well side which was situated at the front of the two storey building one evening when a lady of my age came to join me. She had been on my enemy list for a while but my aunt intervention always saved her from my wrath. Immediately, she started to sing all these quarrel songs which I turned deaf ears to. After filling up my bucket, I carried it and balanced it on my head. Feeling satisfied with my effort, I started to move back to the house, unknown to me that the lady had set her foot on my way. I stumbled and nearly crashed my face on the ground if not for Chidi who quickly came to my aid. He ended up saving me as well as draining his clothes with my bucket of water; I quickly muttered a thank you and descended on the lady. I dealt with her severely that for the next few days she couldn’t show her face in public.
I never saw Chidi again until a week later. I was coming back from the market when I collided with him at the front gate. I did not recollect his face immediately until he reminded me of the past incident, I quickly apologized and expressed my gratitude to him once again. He told me not to bother; we exchanged other pleasantries and went our separate ways. That was how our relationship started. He always bought me suya on his way back from work and we stay late in the evening discussing at the backyard. I suddenly became too fond of him and was always looking forward to an evening with him. Soon we became the talk of the yard. My aunt got wind of the news and told me to be careful and to try to exploit Chidi as much as I can because he will never meet up with my standards.
“Ifeoma, it seems as if you don’t know how beautiful you are? Do you know how many men will fall at your feet for just your smile? You are in Lagos so you better shine your eye. Chidi is not even a graduate; he is just a ‘boy boy’. The only thing you can have with him is a fling, just spend his little money and that is all.” said my aunt that night after our evening meal. I developed mixed feelings after listening to her. I knew I loved Chidi; at least he is the only guy that has been nice to me since I came to Lagos. All other guys I have met were eager to feel my body than taking care of me. While I was still deliberating on this issue, Chidi gave me a very big surprise. He got me a job at a small firm as a secretary. I couldn’t contain my joy. If my aunt’s words had succeeded a little in turning my heart against Chidi, that small gesture from him changed my heart. Two days later we made love in my aunt’s room. Our love grew and I turned deaf ears to my aunt warning, unaware that my aunt has a game up her sleeve.
I was at the backyard washing my clothes one evening when a car pulled at the front of the house. It was a flashy red Toyota car that captured everyone’s eyes. I also stared in awe and was anxious to see who the occupant of the car was. A tall striking handsome man came out of the car, from his head to his feet was adorned with luxurious attire. He smelt of wealth. I watched as he approached me, gob smacked that he was heading my way. The colour rose on my cheeks, I quickly bent down to continue my chores. I was nonplussed when he asked “Are you Ifeoma?”
I stared at him in confusion.
“How did you know my name?” I asked anxiously
He gave out a short laugh and licked his lips in a seductive way that made my skin ripple with sensations.
“How can one ignore such beauty? I can see you are very busy but I can wait else you don’t want me to”
“That will depend on your reason of coming here to see me.” I replied.
He smiled and held my hand which I withdrew immediately.
“Ify I won’t bite you.”
“And you expect me to believe the words of a stranger?”
“I am more than a stranger.”
My next words were cut off by my aunt happy voice.
“Emmy, ha, you are here, I thought we agreed to see on Sunday.”
He greeted my aunt warmly
“I would had kept with our plan if not that I have been dreaming about Ify for a while that my curiosity got the best of me”
I stared at both of them baffled.
“Em Ify, take him to the sitting room and keep him company while I finish up this.” She shoved me towards him and took over my washing.
I gingerly took our ‘Emmy’ to the room where he made his intentions known to me.
According to him, he was a brother of a very affluent chief in a neighbouring village that was based in the States and had left his property and business under his care.
“I just need a woman that will assist me in carrying out all these work.”
“And am I the only girl that fits into your role?” It was my turn to laugh; he laughed with me and continued.
“It might sound like a joke but seriously, ever since your aunt told me about you, I have been so eager to see you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears; my aunt had gone behind my back to arrange a blind date for me. I quickly rose from where I sat and stormed out of the room with Emmy chasing me. My aunt was surprised when I appeared at the backyard with a puckered brow.
“How could you do this behind my back?” I demanded fiercely.
She tried to feign innocence but I never gave her the chance, I just walked out on her.
I walked down the street with no destination on my mind, my heart was in turmoil. I knew the reasons of my aunt actions and it pained me that she couldn’t support my choice of man. I was so blinded with tears that I didn’t notice Chidi walking towards me.
“Ify, are you okay? What is wrong with you? Did your aunt beat you?”
I just melted into his arms and unleashed all the tears that had been threatening to spill out. He hugged me and dried my tears. He wanted to take me home but I begged him not to, so he took me to his friend’s place and that day we sired a child unknown to us. By the time I got home, my aunt was still awake. She shouted at me and threatened to send me packing if I didn’t comply with her decisions.
That was how I was forced into a relationship with Emmy who tried to buy my love with his gifts and money. On many occasions he tried to make love to me but I declined because of my love for Chidi who I was still having clandestine meetings with at the nocturnal hours of the day. Emmy became frustrated at my rejection that he went to complain to my aunt and threatened to cut off the relationship if I don’t give in to his demands. Meanwhile, my aunt had noticed the changes in my body and knew that I was pregnant for Chidi. Not wanting to lose Emmy, she sedated me and invited Emmy to have his way with me. I woke up the next morning in Emmy’s bedroom with my clothes on the floor. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched him cuddle me. I quickly shove his hands away.
“How did I end up in your bed?” I inquired
“Ify what is wrong with you? What have I done to deserve such hatred from you? I have never treated any lady the ways I do to you, yet every effort I make seem to put you farther from me.”
“That doesn’t explain what I am doing in your bed.” I touched my body and it hit me then that I had been used out of my own volition. I wanted to cry but the tears refused to spill out. I just grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom where I showered and dressed. I left without a word.
My aunt did not bother to ask about my whereabouts and I didn’t bother to give her an explanation since I know of her deeds. For the next two weeks, I was so distracted and looked so haggard, my appetite was gone and I was always feeling nauseous. My aunt called me one afternoon and told me that I was pregnant and Chidi was responsible for it but because of his status, she would not allow me to dabble into such poor condition
“Chidi has nothing to offer you; he is not capable of taking care of his needs, let alone you and the unborn child. That was why I did what I did to give you a brighter future with Emmy. He is a promising young man and with him you can be sure of a better future for you and the baby.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“How can you suggest such an evil act? Are you that heartless?”
“Don’t be blinded by your emotions, this is the only way out unless you want to spend your life in penury.”
I didn’t wait for her to complete her statement; I stormed out of the house.
Throughout that day, I pondered on my discussion with my aunt. As painful as it was to admit it, there was a tinge of truth in her saying, but I couldn’t bear the thought of denying Chidi of his child. That would be unfair and wicked of me but how sure was I that Chidi would accept the pregnancy. Would he accept his responsibility or probably reject me? Would he panic and ask me to terminate the baby? All sort of thoughts streamed through my mind. I was so lost in thoughts that I never saw my colleague walk into the office. She shook and asked if I was alright, I feigned an excuse but I never bothered if she bought the idea or not. I made up my mind to tell Chidi about the pregnancy, but I was in for another show by the time I got home. Chidi met me at the gate with a frustrated look on his face; he grabbed me forcibly to a corner. A look of shock spread on my face.
“Chidi what is it” I asked panicky.
“When did you plan to tell me about your new lover and his baby you are carrying?”He said with so much venom in his voice
I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to say
“When?” He asked vehemently.
“Chidi, I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Ah Ify, you even had the guts to lie to me over such matter. How could I be so stupid? After all I did for you, you still hurt me so. Why Ify? Is it because I don’t have a house yet or what? Is it money or what? What does he have that I can’t give you?”
I felt the hurt in his eyes and I tried to hold him, to tell him that it was a lie, that the child was his. But he withdrew as if I was a poisonous snake.
“Chidi please, it’s not what you think, whatever you‘ve been told was a lie. My aunt just told you a bunch of lies to keep us apart.”
“It wasn’t your aunt that told me, it was Emmy. Do you know how I felt when he came to my office to tell me about your condition?”
I was shocked.
“It’s a lie, they all planned it.” I cried out hysterically.
“But you are pregnant.” I didn’t reply.
“Answer me.”
“Yes I am.”
He looked at me then, there was so much hurt and pain in his eyes, I couldn’t bear to see him that way. He turned and left. I cried out his name but he never answered or turned back. I cried out my heart. What will I do? How can I convince Chidi that he’s been told a lie, that the child was his? I had no intention of staying at my aunt’s place again, I wanted to return to my village or go somewhere else. My aunt was cooking when I went inside; she told me nonchalantly that my parents wanted to speak to me on the phone that I should try to call them back. I ignored her and asked her why she told Emmy about the pregnancy. She told me that I would not understand what she is doing for me now until later in the future. I so much wanted to kill her but I was helpless. I sank on the sofa, my hands on my head, and my feelings in disarray. I didn’t know what to do. Obviously Chidi had left me and would not believe anything that comes out of my mouth because of the lies he has been fed with. Before I make any decision, I would find out first if he will take responsibility of the child. I later called my parents and was nonplussed when I knew their purpose of calling me. Emmy had sent his people to my village to ask for my hand in marriage. He seemed to have left a good impression on my people with his gifts because my parents were so happy and proud of me. They even suggested that I came back quickly for the introduction and traditional marriage before the birth of the child. I couldn’t express myself. It was as if I had no control over my life anymore, my aunt seem to be in total control of my life. I didn’t say much to my parents as they chatted happily on the phone with my aunt, together they scheduled next week for my return to the village to start the preparation of my marriage rites.
Throughout the night I couldn’t sleep, I wondered how I got caught up in this mess. Is this how I will spend my life? By allowing my aunt to manipulate it anyhow? I refused to be controlled, I am a lady and not just a girl, I had to fight for my right and not allow anyone to take away my happiness. I will either marry Chidi or remain a single parent. I will not be pushed into a marriage that I have no intentions of gaining happiness. With that decision, I slipped into the arms of Morpheus. The next morning, I went in search of Chidi only to be told that he had traveled to Port Harcourt that morning, but they gave me a letter from him. He simply wrote that he wished me happiness in my new love and I should send him a postcard of when the baby is born or the invitation card of my wedding, whichever that came first through his brother,
“I will make it in this life just to prove to you that no condition is permanent. I will always love you though.”
I wept and wept but got no comfort even from his brother who sympathized with me. I begged him to tell me where Chidi went to but he refused. I contacted his friends but nobody knew where he went to, it was as if he disappeared into thin air. I still clung to the hope that I might see him before I travel but none happened. Then his brother told me a day before my departure that Chidi had left the country for South Africa. Suddenly all hope was lost.
By the time I got home, my parents were expecting to see a happy me but they saw a pathetic me. They were so worried that they inquired about my condition. I told them all I have been through, unaware that my aunt had again twisted another story to them. My dad believed me but my mum thought I was just being foolish. Secretly, my dad carried out an investigation on Chidi. How he got the information or the lead I have no idea. He came back to tell me that I should not hold on for Chidi because his family had already found a wife for him. With that piece of news, I had no other choice than to move on with the marriage. Seven months after my marriage to Emmy, I gave birth to a baby boy. He looked so much like me that no one would have thought it was Chidi’s child apart from the lovely brown eyes. I named him Chikaciemobi meaning ‘God should comfort me’. Emmy bragged about the child for a while and that was all. By the end of our first year in marriage, Emmy was already keeping late nights and having extramarital affairs but I wasn’t a bit bothered, I had never loved him so it didn’t bother me how many women he kept outside. Things became worse when his brother came back from the States and took back everything he had left under his care. He accused him of squandering his money and not taking proper care of his business. Emmy was reduced to nothing, he was not a graduate, and neither was he a salary earner. There was nothing to fall back on; he was totally reduced to the bottom. I had no choice than to return to my aunt place, the architect of the whole drama. At first, she tried to encourage me to stay with Emmy in the little apartment that belong to his friend but was left with no choice when Emmy came o join us at her place. Things became too hard for us to the extent that I had to seek for a job, while Emmy retired to drinking and smoking.
My greatest fear came to reality when Chidi came back to Nigeria. He was so plump and looked so wealthy. He did not recognize me when he saw me. He was so touched by my situation that he gave me a hundred thousand naira and promised to get me a better job. Meanwhile, my little son was always happy to see him whenever he visits, I noticed it and a twist of pain shot through my heart. I hated every decision I have made to deprive Chidi and his son of this father and son relationship. My aunt, as cunning as ever noticed it too and began pestering me to tell Chidi the truth. I told her to tell him herself since she was the one that started the fire, she should quench it herself. And she did. She went to tell Chidi the truth but Chidi didn’t believe her so he came to ask me and I told him the truth. He was so angry with me that he felt like tearing me apart.
“How could you do such to me?”
I explained to him that I tried to get in touch with him but all to no avail. I also told him about my father’s search and his result. He told me then that he was getting married in two weeks time. He asked me to grant him custody of his child and I told him that I can’t unless we get married,
“That’s impossible Ify, I don’t trust you anymore. If you can deny me of my child, I don’t know what else you might be capable of.”
Those words were like a sword piercing through my soul. I told him we either get married or he should forget that I ever mentioned this story. I gave him a picture of my son but he tore it and told me “it’s either the real thing or nothing at all”. As fate would have it, Chidi got married and I remained in suffering with Emmy.
The irony however, is that it’s been four years since Chidi got married and still no issue and from the speculating news I have gathered, he was not living happily with his wife. Will fate smile back at me and give my life a new hope?
If I had known that fate would turn out like this, I would not have made the mistake I made ten years ago. I was so deceived by my aunt that I allowed her to ruin my happiness and future. I never knew that fate would always catch up with me. If I had, probably I won’t be shaking my head in deep regret now. It all started six years ago.
I came to Lagos to assist my aunt; Mrs. Ngozi in the upbringing of her children as well as make a living for myself in the city. My aunt lived in Ajegunle, the ghetto side of the city. It was a two room apartment in a general yard. I had to sleep in the sitting room to give my aunt and her husband privacy. Her two kids slept in the room with them except on rare occasions. I didn’t really have a nice time for the first few days, I was always the mockery of little children since I wasn’t good in Pidgin English and my Ibo accent didn’t help matters at all. I was always infuriated by their jests and was quick to vent my anger on any of my adversaries. It was on one of such occasions that I met Chidi.
I never knew he was my neighbour because I mostly kept to myself to avoid any snag. I was fetching water at the well side which was situated at the front of the two storey building one evening when a lady of my age came to join me. She had been on my enemy list for a while but my aunt intervention always saved her from my wrath. Immediately, she started to sing all these quarrel songs which I turned deaf ears to. After filling up my bucket, I carried it and balanced it on my head. Feeling satisfied with my effort, I started to move back to the house, unknown to me that the lady had set her foot on my way. I stumbled and nearly crashed my face on the ground if not for Chidi who quickly came to my aid. He ended up saving me as well as draining his clothes with my bucket of water; I quickly muttered a thank you and descended on the lady. I dealt with her severely that for the next few days she couldn’t show her face in public.
I never saw Chidi again until a week later. I was coming back from the market when I collided with him at the front gate. I did not recollect his face immediately until he reminded me of the past incident, I quickly apologized and expressed my gratitude to him once again. He told me not to bother; we exchanged other pleasantries and went our separate ways. That was how our relationship started. He always bought me suya on his way back from work and we stay late in the evening discussing at the backyard. I suddenly became too fond of him and was always looking forward to an evening with him. Soon we became the talk of the yard. My aunt got wind of the news and told me to be careful and to try to exploit Chidi as much as I can because he will never meet up with my standards.
“Ifeoma, it seems as if you don’t know how beautiful you are? Do you know how many men will fall at your feet for just your smile? You are in Lagos so you better shine your eye. Chidi is not even a graduate; he is just a ‘boy boy’. The only thing you can have with him is a fling, just spend his little money and that is all.” said my aunt that night after our evening meal. I developed mixed feelings after listening to her. I knew I loved Chidi; at least he is the only guy that has been nice to me since I came to Lagos. All other guys I have met were eager to feel my body than taking care of me. While I was still deliberating on this issue, Chidi gave me a very big surprise. He got me a job at a small firm as a secretary. I couldn’t contain my joy. If my aunt’s words had succeeded a little in turning my heart against Chidi, that small gesture from him changed my heart. Two days later we made love in my aunt’s room. Our love grew and I turned deaf ears to my aunt warning, unaware that my aunt has a game up her sleeve.
I was at the backyard washing my clothes one evening when a car pulled at the front of the house. It was a flashy red Toyota car that captured everyone’s eyes. I also stared in awe and was anxious to see who the occupant of the car was. A tall striking handsome man came out of the car, from his head to his feet was adorned with luxurious attire. He smelt of wealth. I watched as he approached me, gob smacked that he was heading my way. The colour rose on my cheeks, I quickly bent down to continue my chores. I was nonplussed when he asked “Are you Ifeoma?”
I stared at him in confusion.
“How did you know my name?” I asked anxiously
He gave out a short laugh and licked his lips in a seductive way that made my skin ripple with sensations.
“How can one ignore such beauty? I can see you are very busy but I can wait else you don’t want me to”
“That will depend on your reason of coming here to see me.” I replied.
He smiled and held my hand which I withdrew immediately.
“Ify I won’t bite you.”
“And you expect me to believe the words of a stranger?”
“I am more than a stranger.”
My next words were cut off by my aunt happy voice.
“Emmy, ha, you are here, I thought we agreed to see on Sunday.”
He greeted my aunt warmly
“I would had kept with our plan if not that I have been dreaming about Ify for a while that my curiosity got the best of me”
I stared at both of them baffled.
“Em Ify, take him to the sitting room and keep him company while I finish up this.” She shoved me towards him and took over my washing.
I gingerly took our ‘Emmy’ to the room where he made his intentions known to me.
According to him, he was a brother of a very affluent chief in a neighbouring village that was based in the States and had left his property and business under his care.
“I just need a woman that will assist me in carrying out all these work.”
“And am I the only girl that fits into your role?” It was my turn to laugh; he laughed with me and continued.
“It might sound like a joke but seriously, ever since your aunt told me about you, I have been so eager to see you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears; my aunt had gone behind my back to arrange a blind date for me. I quickly rose from where I sat and stormed out of the room with Emmy chasing me. My aunt was surprised when I appeared at the backyard with a puckered brow.
“How could you do this behind my back?” I demanded fiercely.
She tried to feign innocence but I never gave her the chance, I just walked out on her.
I walked down the street with no destination on my mind, my heart was in turmoil. I knew the reasons of my aunt actions and it pained me that she couldn’t support my choice of man. I was so blinded with tears that I didn’t notice Chidi walking towards me.
“Ify, are you okay? What is wrong with you? Did your aunt beat you?”
I just melted into his arms and unleashed all the tears that had been threatening to spill out. He hugged me and dried my tears. He wanted to take me home but I begged him not to, so he took me to his friend’s place and that day we sired a child unknown to us. By the time I got home, my aunt was still awake. She shouted at me and threatened to send me packing if I didn’t comply with her decisions.
That was how I was forced into a relationship with Emmy who tried to buy my love with his gifts and money. On many occasions he tried to make love to me but I declined because of my love for Chidi who I was still having clandestine meetings with at the nocturnal hours of the day. Emmy became frustrated at my rejection that he went to complain to my aunt and threatened to cut off the relationship if I don’t give in to his demands. Meanwhile, my aunt had noticed the changes in my body and knew that I was pregnant for Chidi. Not wanting to lose Emmy, she sedated me and invited Emmy to have his way with me. I woke up the next morning in Emmy’s bedroom with my clothes on the floor. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched him cuddle me. I quickly shove his hands away.
“How did I end up in your bed?” I inquired
“Ify what is wrong with you? What have I done to deserve such hatred from you? I have never treated any lady the ways I do to you, yet every effort I make seem to put you farther from me.”
“That doesn’t explain what I am doing in your bed.” I touched my body and it hit me then that I had been used out of my own volition. I wanted to cry but the tears refused to spill out. I just grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom where I showered and dressed. I left without a word.
My aunt did not bother to ask about my whereabouts and I didn’t bother to give her an explanation since I know of her deeds. For the next two weeks, I was so distracted and looked so haggard, my appetite was gone and I was always feeling nauseous. My aunt called me one afternoon and told me that I was pregnant and Chidi was responsible for it but because of his status, she would not allow me to dabble into such poor condition
“Chidi has nothing to offer you; he is not capable of taking care of his needs, let alone you and the unborn child. That was why I did what I did to give you a brighter future with Emmy. He is a promising young man and with him you can be sure of a better future for you and the baby.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“How can you suggest such an evil act? Are you that heartless?”
“Don’t be blinded by your emotions, this is the only way out unless you want to spend your life in penury.”
I didn’t wait for her to complete her statement; I stormed out of the house.
Throughout that day, I pondered on my discussion with my aunt. As painful as it was to admit it, there was a tinge of truth in her saying, but I couldn’t bear the thought of denying Chidi of his child. That would be unfair and wicked of me but how sure was I that Chidi would accept the pregnancy. Would he accept his responsibility or probably reject me? Would he panic and ask me to terminate the baby? All sort of thoughts streamed through my mind. I was so lost in thoughts that I never saw my colleague walk into the office. She shook and asked if I was alright, I feigned an excuse but I never bothered if she bought the idea or not. I made up my mind to tell Chidi about the pregnancy, but I was in for another show by the time I got home. Chidi met me at the gate with a frustrated look on his face; he grabbed me forcibly to a corner. A look of shock spread on my face.
“Chidi what is it” I asked panicky.
“When did you plan to tell me about your new lover and his baby you are carrying?”He said with so much venom in his voice
I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to say
“When?” He asked vehemently.
“Chidi, I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Ah Ify, you even had the guts to lie to me over such matter. How could I be so stupid? After all I did for you, you still hurt me so. Why Ify? Is it because I don’t have a house yet or what? Is it money or what? What does he have that I can’t give you?”
I felt the hurt in his eyes and I tried to hold him, to tell him that it was a lie, that the child was his. But he withdrew as if I was a poisonous snake.
“Chidi please, it’s not what you think, whatever you‘ve been told was a lie. My aunt just told you a bunch of lies to keep us apart.”
“It wasn’t your aunt that told me, it was Emmy. Do you know how I felt when he came to my office to tell me about your condition?”
I was shocked.
“It’s a lie, they all planned it.” I cried out hysterically.
“But you are pregnant.” I didn’t reply.
“Answer me.”
“Yes I am.”
He looked at me then, there was so much hurt and pain in his eyes, I couldn’t bear to see him that way. He turned and left. I cried out his name but he never answered or turned back. I cried out my heart. What will I do? How can I convince Chidi that he’s been told a lie, that the child was his? I had no intention of staying at my aunt’s place again, I wanted to return to my village or go somewhere else. My aunt was cooking when I went inside; she told me nonchalantly that my parents wanted to speak to me on the phone that I should try to call them back. I ignored her and asked her why she told Emmy about the pregnancy. She told me that I would not understand what she is doing for me now until later in the future. I so much wanted to kill her but I was helpless. I sank on the sofa, my hands on my head, and my feelings in disarray. I didn’t know what to do. Obviously Chidi had left me and would not believe anything that comes out of my mouth because of the lies he has been fed with. Before I make any decision, I would find out first if he will take responsibility of the child. I later called my parents and was nonplussed when I knew their purpose of calling me. Emmy had sent his people to my village to ask for my hand in marriage. He seemed to have left a good impression on my people with his gifts because my parents were so happy and proud of me. They even suggested that I came back quickly for the introduction and traditional marriage before the birth of the child. I couldn’t express myself. It was as if I had no control over my life anymore, my aunt seem to be in total control of my life. I didn’t say much to my parents as they chatted happily on the phone with my aunt, together they scheduled next week for my return to the village to start the preparation of my marriage rites.
Throughout the night I couldn’t sleep, I wondered how I got caught up in this mess. Is this how I will spend my life? By allowing my aunt to manipulate it anyhow? I refused to be controlled, I am a lady and not just a girl, I had to fight for my right and not allow anyone to take away my happiness. I will either marry Chidi or remain a single parent. I will not be pushed into a marriage that I have no intentions of gaining happiness. With that decision, I slipped into the arms of Morpheus. The next morning, I went in search of Chidi only to be told that he had traveled to Port Harcourt that morning, but they gave me a letter from him. He simply wrote that he wished me happiness in my new love and I should send him a postcard of when the baby is born or the invitation card of my wedding, whichever that came first through his brother,
“I will make it in this life just to prove to you that no condition is permanent. I will always love you though.”
I wept and wept but got no comfort even from his brother who sympathized with me. I begged him to tell me where Chidi went to but he refused. I contacted his friends but nobody knew where he went to, it was as if he disappeared into thin air. I still clung to the hope that I might see him before I travel but none happened. Then his brother told me a day before my departure that Chidi had left the country for South Africa. Suddenly all hope was lost.
By the time I got home, my parents were expecting to see a happy me but they saw a pathetic me. They were so worried that they inquired about my condition. I told them all I have been through, unaware that my aunt had again twisted another story to them. My dad believed me but my mum thought I was just being foolish. Secretly, my dad carried out an investigation on Chidi. How he got the information or the lead I have no idea. He came back to tell me that I should not hold on for Chidi because his family had already found a wife for him. With that piece of news, I had no other choice than to move on with the marriage. Seven months after my marriage to Emmy, I gave birth to a baby boy. He looked so much like me that no one would have thought it was Chidi’s child apart from the lovely brown eyes. I named him Chikaciemobi meaning ‘God should comfort me’. Emmy bragged about the child for a while and that was all. By the end of our first year in marriage, Emmy was already keeping late nights and having extramarital affairs but I wasn’t a bit bothered, I had never loved him so it didn’t bother me how many women he kept outside. Things became worse when his brother came back from the States and took back everything he had left under his care. He accused him of squandering his money and not taking proper care of his business. Emmy was reduced to nothing, he was not a graduate, and neither was he a salary earner. There was nothing to fall back on; he was totally reduced to the bottom. I had no choice than to return to my aunt place, the architect of the whole drama. At first, she tried to encourage me to stay with Emmy in the little apartment that belong to his friend but was left with no choice when Emmy came o join us at her place. Things became too hard for us to the extent that I had to seek for a job, while Emmy retired to drinking and smoking.
My greatest fear came to reality when Chidi came back to Nigeria. He was so plump and looked so wealthy. He did not recognize me when he saw me. He was so touched by my situation that he gave me a hundred thousand naira and promised to get me a better job. Meanwhile, my little son was always happy to see him whenever he visits, I noticed it and a twist of pain shot through my heart. I hated every decision I have made to deprive Chidi and his son of this father and son relationship. My aunt, as cunning as ever noticed it too and began pestering me to tell Chidi the truth. I told her to tell him herself since she was the one that started the fire, she should quench it herself. And she did. She went to tell Chidi the truth but Chidi didn’t believe her so he came to ask me and I told him the truth. He was so angry with me that he felt like tearing me apart.
“How could you do such to me?”
I explained to him that I tried to get in touch with him but all to no avail. I also told him about my father’s search and his result. He told me then that he was getting married in two weeks time. He asked me to grant him custody of his child and I told him that I can’t unless we get married,
“That’s impossible Ify, I don’t trust you anymore. If you can deny me of my child, I don’t know what else you might be capable of.”
Those words were like a sword piercing through my soul. I told him we either get married or he should forget that I ever mentioned this story. I gave him a picture of my son but he tore it and told me “it’s either the real thing or nothing at all”. As fate would have it, Chidi got married and I remained in suffering with Emmy.
The irony however, is that it’s been four years since Chidi got married and still no issue and from the speculating news I have gathered, he was not living happily with his wife. Will fate smile back at me and give my life a new hope?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A COMMUTER DIARY
URINATING IN PUBLIC PLACES
The rainy season is here bringing along its advantages and disadvantages. One of its advantages being the coolness of the atmosphere, and the latent tranquility it exudes despite the hustle and bustle of the city. The disadvantage is that it causes more traffic and in a way bring into limelight the bad roads and streets in the state. It has really revealed that a lot still needs to be done in the state, not all roads are repaired and the ones repaired are being damaged by reckless drivers. Anyway, I was on my way home from work one evening when I encountered something very bizarre.
My favorite spot in the bus is the window side either by the left wing or right, or he back seat or middle, as long there is a window I’m comfortable. From there I can watch the city at anytime of the day especially the evenings; the hawkers with their wares bellowing at their customers, the hasty mother running home to prepare dinner for the family, the tired father who can’t wait to get home to be pampered as he tries to maneuver traffic, the single lady returning home for a nice date, the rich boss who is booming with smiles over a new contract, the young graduate who hopes to be called for a job interview and above all, you enjoy the drama of the traffic wardens and the policemen as they try to control traffic from the impatient drivers as well as collect tips from the conductors.
However, this evening we were in a heavy traffic, unlike before, commuters would have alighted and complete the remaining journey on foot, but due to the weather everyone sat down comfortably.
I was enjoying the evening breeze when all of a sudden I saw a young man came out from his blue Mercedes at the other lane, walked to the front of his car and…
At first, I thought his car broke down but when I saw him unzip his trouser and pee at the back of the molue bus in front of him I knew this was very crazy. I stared at him gob smacked at such display, I had to call the attention of the commuter by my side to watch him, he said to me nonchalantly that the guy was pressed that what was I expecting him to do. You have to agree with me that was absolutely crazy.
In Lagos, you will find a mélange of bohemian attitude. The sign ’do not urinate here’ is not a rarity on our streets and roads. I am sure it was due to the cavalier attitude of people who abuse the environment with their urine that the sign was created. I know that when pressed the organs don’t take commands from the brain anymore, they operate on their own, but there are other times it can be controlled. The male species have this insouciant attitude about urinating anywhere .I don’t know if that could be attributed to the shape of their organ because the way they display that thing blatantly could be appalling ‘The female species also practice this act even though their excretory organ is a little complicated.
At the garages and parks, you will be choked to death by the repulsive smell of urine especially at Oyingbo Park at Oyingbo bus stop. Sometimes, commuters are forced to inhale this pungent pong as the buses are lined at the back of the polluted area. Most times the bus drivers and conductors are provided with toilet facilities in the garage and park, but they nonchalantly chose to urinate at the back of the buses. Some passers by and hawkers do engage in this detestable act. At Ojota garage, it is difficult to breathe in fresh air as the drainages are filled with faeces of humans. How can one deliberately defecate in the drainage? Should the blame be placed on touts and destitute who have no place to stay.
The government should seriously look at this environment pollution as it is not only detrimental to the environment but also to its inhabitants. More toilet facilities should be made available on the streets and major roads for easy access when needed urgently.
Also there should be officials to supervise the effective implementation of this act. Any person caught violating the law should be punished either by giving out tickets or taking them to court.
It is high time we made our environment a habitable place and stop polluting it without impunity. If the environment is not inhabitable, we will face a lot of epidemic, which will result to a high mortality rate in the society. We should all endeavour to keep our environment clean and caution those who pollute the environs, because it is everyone’s duty to give Lagos state a serene ambience.
URINATING IN PUBLIC PLACES
The rainy season is here bringing along its advantages and disadvantages. One of its advantages being the coolness of the atmosphere, and the latent tranquility it exudes despite the hustle and bustle of the city. The disadvantage is that it causes more traffic and in a way bring into limelight the bad roads and streets in the state. It has really revealed that a lot still needs to be done in the state, not all roads are repaired and the ones repaired are being damaged by reckless drivers. Anyway, I was on my way home from work one evening when I encountered something very bizarre.
My favorite spot in the bus is the window side either by the left wing or right, or he back seat or middle, as long there is a window I’m comfortable. From there I can watch the city at anytime of the day especially the evenings; the hawkers with their wares bellowing at their customers, the hasty mother running home to prepare dinner for the family, the tired father who can’t wait to get home to be pampered as he tries to maneuver traffic, the single lady returning home for a nice date, the rich boss who is booming with smiles over a new contract, the young graduate who hopes to be called for a job interview and above all, you enjoy the drama of the traffic wardens and the policemen as they try to control traffic from the impatient drivers as well as collect tips from the conductors.
However, this evening we were in a heavy traffic, unlike before, commuters would have alighted and complete the remaining journey on foot, but due to the weather everyone sat down comfortably.
I was enjoying the evening breeze when all of a sudden I saw a young man came out from his blue Mercedes at the other lane, walked to the front of his car and…
At first, I thought his car broke down but when I saw him unzip his trouser and pee at the back of the molue bus in front of him I knew this was very crazy. I stared at him gob smacked at such display, I had to call the attention of the commuter by my side to watch him, he said to me nonchalantly that the guy was pressed that what was I expecting him to do. You have to agree with me that was absolutely crazy.
In Lagos, you will find a mélange of bohemian attitude. The sign ’do not urinate here’ is not a rarity on our streets and roads. I am sure it was due to the cavalier attitude of people who abuse the environment with their urine that the sign was created. I know that when pressed the organs don’t take commands from the brain anymore, they operate on their own, but there are other times it can be controlled. The male species have this insouciant attitude about urinating anywhere .I don’t know if that could be attributed to the shape of their organ because the way they display that thing blatantly could be appalling ‘The female species also practice this act even though their excretory organ is a little complicated.
At the garages and parks, you will be choked to death by the repulsive smell of urine especially at Oyingbo Park at Oyingbo bus stop. Sometimes, commuters are forced to inhale this pungent pong as the buses are lined at the back of the polluted area. Most times the bus drivers and conductors are provided with toilet facilities in the garage and park, but they nonchalantly chose to urinate at the back of the buses. Some passers by and hawkers do engage in this detestable act. At Ojota garage, it is difficult to breathe in fresh air as the drainages are filled with faeces of humans. How can one deliberately defecate in the drainage? Should the blame be placed on touts and destitute who have no place to stay.
The government should seriously look at this environment pollution as it is not only detrimental to the environment but also to its inhabitants. More toilet facilities should be made available on the streets and major roads for easy access when needed urgently.
Also there should be officials to supervise the effective implementation of this act. Any person caught violating the law should be punished either by giving out tickets or taking them to court.
It is high time we made our environment a habitable place and stop polluting it without impunity. If the environment is not inhabitable, we will face a lot of epidemic, which will result to a high mortality rate in the society. We should all endeavour to keep our environment clean and caution those who pollute the environs, because it is everyone’s duty to give Lagos state a serene ambience.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
MUSIC LEGENDS
There is no juju music without King Sunny Ade; he is the undeniable living legend of Nigerian juju music.
Born into a royal family on September 22 1946 in Ondo state, Sunday Adeniyi left school to pursue his music career, under the impression of going to University of Lagos. He joined the Olaiya Federal Rhythm Dandies, a Highlife Band but left it to form Green Spots in 1967, which was later changed to African beats. Frustrated by the exploitation of the record industry, Ade started his own record label in 1974.The label has released more than one hundred of Ade’s recordings in Nigeria in the past twenty –five years.
Ade’s career began with the release of “Sunny ti de” with his band; “King Sunny Ade and His African Beats” The song signified the birth of a new king of juju music. Sunny began to gain western attraction when three of his albums-Juju music, Synchro System and Aura was released in the early 80’s on the Mango label, a subordinate of Island records. He embarked on a tour of America and Europe in the 70’s and 80’s where he performed for mixed audiences. His performance was characterized with skillful dancing steps and mastery of the guitar.
In 1983, Ade and his band made their debut American performances to excited crowds in 1983.This gained him compliments from the likes of Trey Anastasio, an American guitarist and composer. These were his exact words
“If you must come to see Sunny Ade live, you must be prepared to groove all night.”
New York Times Robert Palmer described Ade’s concerts as one of the most significant pop music events of the time.
After the untimely demise of Bob Marley, Island records went in search of a new third world artiste to put on its contract. Fela Anikulapo Kuti was out of their reach because at the time, he was signed in to Arista records, thus, producer Martin Meisonnier introduced King Sunny Ade to Chris Blackwell, leading to the release of Juju music in 1982.Though at that time, many music afficianados were quick to assert that Ade’s music deserve such promotion.
However, Ade was dropped by the Island records as a result of his refusal to allow Island to intrude with his compositions. Though the Juju music and Synchro system showed signs that Ade was going to become “the African Bob Marley”, but with the unexpected plummeting of the Aura album in the market, the dream wasn’t actualized. Nevertheless one can’t dispute the fact that Ade’s brief recordings with Island records created opportunities for other world music artistes such as Senegalese Youssou N’Dour, Mali’s Salif Keita and a host of others.
Ade’s music is majorly characterized by the guitar and its peculiar application to its music that easily place him in the same class with the likes of Santana, and the talking drum. He introduced the pedal steel guitar, synthesizers, clavinet, vibraphone, tenor guitar into the Nigerian Juju music.
After Ade was dropped by the island records, he released an album ‘Authority’ in 1990, which failed to rouse much public attention.
‘E Dide’ which was released in 1995 however turned out well. It was followed by ‘Odu’; a collection of ancient songs in 1998.The album was nominated for a Grammy award, thus making Ade the first African to be nominated twice for a Grammy.
Ade has also featured artistes like Manu Dibango, Stevie Wonder, and Onyeka Onwenu amongst others.
Ade and his band were featured in ‘Juju music’ in 1998; ‘Live at Montreux’ in 1990 and ‘Roots of Rhythm’ in 1997.
In 1985, Ade acted in Robert Altman’s comedy; ‘O.C and Stiggs’ and also in Richard Gere’s movie; ‘Breathless’ in 1986.He performed his music in both movies.
Ade has produced so far more than 100 albums.
Moreso, Ade also has chains of companies in several industries, as well as a non –profit organization called the King Sunny Ade foundation which was established in the mid 90’s. The foundation has a performing arts centre, state of the art recording studio and housing unit of young musicians and performers on a five acre territory, which was provided by the Lagos state government. He also owns an oil firm, a mining company, a nightclub, film and video production company, a PR firm and a record label specializing in recordings by African artistes.
With the emergence of electronic media in Nigeria, hip hop music appears to be the rave of the moment. Nevertheless Sunny Ade’s musical output has persistently motivated a vast generation of other Nigerian musicians who strongly believed in his music. One of such musicians is Lagbaja.
The legend is reticent about his marital life. Though it was reported that he has many wives and lost two wives in the year 2008.There were also speculations that he dated Onyeka Onwenu who did a song with him ‘wait for me’.
Some of his popular music were: ’Ja funmi’, Wait for me’, Sunny ti de’, among others.
Born into a royal family on September 22 1946 in Ondo state, Sunday Adeniyi left school to pursue his music career, under the impression of going to University of Lagos. He joined the Olaiya Federal Rhythm Dandies, a Highlife Band but left it to form Green Spots in 1967, which was later changed to African beats. Frustrated by the exploitation of the record industry, Ade started his own record label in 1974.The label has released more than one hundred of Ade’s recordings in Nigeria in the past twenty –five years.
Ade’s career began with the release of “Sunny ti de” with his band; “King Sunny Ade and His African Beats” The song signified the birth of a new king of juju music. Sunny began to gain western attraction when three of his albums-Juju music, Synchro System and Aura was released in the early 80’s on the Mango label, a subordinate of Island records. He embarked on a tour of America and Europe in the 70’s and 80’s where he performed for mixed audiences. His performance was characterized with skillful dancing steps and mastery of the guitar.
In 1983, Ade and his band made their debut American performances to excited crowds in 1983.This gained him compliments from the likes of Trey Anastasio, an American guitarist and composer. These were his exact words
“If you must come to see Sunny Ade live, you must be prepared to groove all night.”
New York Times Robert Palmer described Ade’s concerts as one of the most significant pop music events of the time.
After the untimely demise of Bob Marley, Island records went in search of a new third world artiste to put on its contract. Fela Anikulapo Kuti was out of their reach because at the time, he was signed in to Arista records, thus, producer Martin Meisonnier introduced King Sunny Ade to Chris Blackwell, leading to the release of Juju music in 1982.Though at that time, many music afficianados were quick to assert that Ade’s music deserve such promotion.
However, Ade was dropped by the Island records as a result of his refusal to allow Island to intrude with his compositions. Though the Juju music and Synchro system showed signs that Ade was going to become “the African Bob Marley”, but with the unexpected plummeting of the Aura album in the market, the dream wasn’t actualized. Nevertheless one can’t dispute the fact that Ade’s brief recordings with Island records created opportunities for other world music artistes such as Senegalese Youssou N’Dour, Mali’s Salif Keita and a host of others.
Ade’s music is majorly characterized by the guitar and its peculiar application to its music that easily place him in the same class with the likes of Santana, and the talking drum. He introduced the pedal steel guitar, synthesizers, clavinet, vibraphone, tenor guitar into the Nigerian Juju music.
After Ade was dropped by the island records, he released an album ‘Authority’ in 1990, which failed to rouse much public attention.
‘E Dide’ which was released in 1995 however turned out well. It was followed by ‘Odu’; a collection of ancient songs in 1998.The album was nominated for a Grammy award, thus making Ade the first African to be nominated twice for a Grammy.
Ade has also featured artistes like Manu Dibango, Stevie Wonder, and Onyeka Onwenu amongst others.
Ade and his band were featured in ‘Juju music’ in 1998; ‘Live at Montreux’ in 1990 and ‘Roots of Rhythm’ in 1997.
In 1985, Ade acted in Robert Altman’s comedy; ‘O.C and Stiggs’ and also in Richard Gere’s movie; ‘Breathless’ in 1986.He performed his music in both movies.
Ade has produced so far more than 100 albums.
Moreso, Ade also has chains of companies in several industries, as well as a non –profit organization called the King Sunny Ade foundation which was established in the mid 90’s. The foundation has a performing arts centre, state of the art recording studio and housing unit of young musicians and performers on a five acre territory, which was provided by the Lagos state government. He also owns an oil firm, a mining company, a nightclub, film and video production company, a PR firm and a record label specializing in recordings by African artistes.
With the emergence of electronic media in Nigeria, hip hop music appears to be the rave of the moment. Nevertheless Sunny Ade’s musical output has persistently motivated a vast generation of other Nigerian musicians who strongly believed in his music. One of such musicians is Lagbaja.
The legend is reticent about his marital life. Though it was reported that he has many wives and lost two wives in the year 2008.There were also speculations that he dated Onyeka Onwenu who did a song with him ‘wait for me’.
Some of his popular music were: ’Ja funmi’, Wait for me’, Sunny ti de’, among others.
MICHAEL JACKSON -THE MAN IN THE MIRROR
Ever since the unexpected demise of the pop legend Michael Jackson, the media has been screaming with steamy headlines and gory details of the musician’s life. Some celebrate him while others criticize him. The most inhuman act of this was the disrespectful prying into Michael’s life, looking for flaws as if we don’t have skeletons in our closet. I find this very ruthless and infuriating from people who engage in this act. The dead should also be respected as well as the living; their personal life should not be made a public caricature.
From Michel’s birth to his death, everyone seems to have one discriminating thing to say or the other. We should not forget that this man’s music was one of the best in the world. Some even judged his mortality. Well, I hope we all know that we are all humans and whatever you do to someone else, the same will be done to us.
Instead of looking for flaws in Michaels life why don’t we view him from this perspective as the “man in the mirror”, the man who fought for a change.
Have we ever sat down for a minute to reflect on the emotions of the pop star, to put yourself in his shoes, to face the trials and accusations from not just one person but many people, to look into the mirror and realize that the whole world is against you because of your sacrifice?
Michael went through all this and despite the criticism and condemnation he faced, he was never discouraged, he pushed through, delivering music in the most entertaining way that nobody has been able to contend with. Is it his lyrics? They vary, he was not stereotyped, and his creativity was beyond measure. He touched almost every kind of being on earth: lovers, gangsters, children, even the earth. He was a vivacious performer on stage, wowing the crowd who couldn’t contain themselves. His energetic dance steps were the height of it all.
Michael was able to influence his generation, the present generation and inevitably the next generation with his music and dazzling moves. The list of musicians he has motivated is inexorable. Even when the world was against him he gave them music that was soul searing, wound healing, and love stunned. His altruism is still laudable.
Yet in his death people have the effrontery to judge him. Some went to the extreme of condemning his soul to hell, a place where all souls dread.
In fear, Michael raised his children, afraid that something bad might happen to them. During his lifetime, his children lived an isolated life, only appearing in public with hoods and masks, yet at his memorial service his beautiful daughter Paris, described him as the best dad in the world. Now he is gone, I hope the children will be fully protected in their new safe haven with their grandparents. However, Michael would not have loved his father to be part of his children upbringing because of the unfriendly relationship he had with him from childhood. But at least Joe Jackson deserves some credit because his discipline gave Michael the strength to carry on amidst the storm that shook his life.
Ironically, despite Michael’s flaws, he was the phenom among all. The most successful not only to his family but to the world. Michael was indeed a chosen one. We of the black race blame him for changing his colour, of denying his race have we ever ponder y Michael made that decision?
I know most people said he was influenced by the whites, but is it just that or is there more to it? We should not ignore the fact that Michael gained fame at an early stage in his life, mingling with celebrities and people who are more advanced in age than he was. He was deprived of a childhood experience which resulted to his unfathomable love for children.
Whatever the case, I believe that Michael was torn between two worlds and he made the safest and difficult decision of his life. He knew the consequences and he forged on, he tried o make a change when he could not control his human nature. When it was futile, he responded by singing black or white. I bet it was not easy for Michael to see the changes in his face, to watch his body pigment and was left with the Hobson’s choice; drugs.
Despite all these, Michael ought to be celebrated. He is a legend and will always be and there will be no duplicate of him never in this life.
A commuter's diary
Oh! It’s six am. And I’m already late for work. I quickly said a little prayer and scurried to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I was not the only one who was late for work, I and my elder sister made a dash for the bathroom but she outran me, so I decided to engage myself in other activities.By the time I was through with all the female wahala, it was seven forty-five, and I had to resume in the office by nine. I dashed out of the house with the speed of a superwoman, heading for the bus-stop which was few blocks away from my house.
Before I got to the bus-stop, I encountered a scenario. A bus driver was badly beaten by two touts. As always, the attitude of Nigerians is just to pass by and do nothing, I stood and stared like a good citizen of my country.
The driver tried to dodge his opponent blows and at the same time, justifying his actions. One of the touts held a bottle of the local gin in his right hand while tugging the driver by his collar.
“Why you stop here carry passengers?” asked the tout.
“No mind am. And u get mouth to talk. Don’t worry by the time the chairman deals with you, you go know.” said his colleague.
After much squabble, the driver was asked to pay a fine of a thousand naira to avoid the wrath of the chairman, which he declined. Meanwhile the commuters sat down comfortably in the bus, absolutely enjoying the drama. When the driver obstinately refused to agree to the touts’ terms, they took the gauge of his engine oil. He began to shout at them to return it but they paid him no attention.
One of the commuters, who was obviously late to work alighted from the bus and demanded for his money from the fuming driver. The driver just looked at him rudely, muttered something and went after the touts. The commuter chased after him, raining curses on him, still demanding for his money. Seeing the chaos, other commuters in the bus decided to add more fuel to the burning fire. The driver was torn between the touts and his passengers.
Sadly, I had to go to work. I never knew how they settled the dispute.
It’s quite funny how the transportation system operates in Lagos state. We lack effective traffic regulations and officers to see to the full implementation of the provided laws.
No doubt, the driver was at fault, there was a “No parking” sign in front of him, yet he deliberately stopped there to pick up a passenger. But the question now is: Are touts the authorized officials to penalize the offenders of these laws? What exactly are the roles of touts on our roads and bus stops? Ever since their emergence into the transportation sector, I can’t really see their effectiveness. Secondly, does breaking of such laws require physical abuse? Do we use violence to solve cases like this? Nigerians lack human compassion. It was quite disheartening to watch a fellow human being manhandled unjustly and yet do nothing about it. What happened to the saying ‘be your brother’s keeper.”
There should be effective traffic laws and officers to ensure that these laws are not broken and when they are, there should be punishment such as withdrawal of driving license or probably, the drivers should be sent to a driver’s institute. But not physically abused. We should as well look into the touts influence on our roads. Their role should be clearly defined and if they should cross the boundary, they should be reprimanded. In United States of America, there is a Good Samaritan policy which states that individuals should be able to help each other in times of danger unless lives are being threatened. Though in a city like Lagos state, this might be difficult to achieve, but it won’t hurt if we give it a try.
Luckily for me, I made it to work on time
Before I got to the bus-stop, I encountered a scenario. A bus driver was badly beaten by two touts. As always, the attitude of Nigerians is just to pass by and do nothing, I stood and stared like a good citizen of my country.
The driver tried to dodge his opponent blows and at the same time, justifying his actions. One of the touts held a bottle of the local gin in his right hand while tugging the driver by his collar.
“Why you stop here carry passengers?” asked the tout.
“No mind am. And u get mouth to talk. Don’t worry by the time the chairman deals with you, you go know.” said his colleague.
After much squabble, the driver was asked to pay a fine of a thousand naira to avoid the wrath of the chairman, which he declined. Meanwhile the commuters sat down comfortably in the bus, absolutely enjoying the drama. When the driver obstinately refused to agree to the touts’ terms, they took the gauge of his engine oil. He began to shout at them to return it but they paid him no attention.
One of the commuters, who was obviously late to work alighted from the bus and demanded for his money from the fuming driver. The driver just looked at him rudely, muttered something and went after the touts. The commuter chased after him, raining curses on him, still demanding for his money. Seeing the chaos, other commuters in the bus decided to add more fuel to the burning fire. The driver was torn between the touts and his passengers.
Sadly, I had to go to work. I never knew how they settled the dispute.
It’s quite funny how the transportation system operates in Lagos state. We lack effective traffic regulations and officers to see to the full implementation of the provided laws.
No doubt, the driver was at fault, there was a “No parking” sign in front of him, yet he deliberately stopped there to pick up a passenger. But the question now is: Are touts the authorized officials to penalize the offenders of these laws? What exactly are the roles of touts on our roads and bus stops? Ever since their emergence into the transportation sector, I can’t really see their effectiveness. Secondly, does breaking of such laws require physical abuse? Do we use violence to solve cases like this? Nigerians lack human compassion. It was quite disheartening to watch a fellow human being manhandled unjustly and yet do nothing about it. What happened to the saying ‘be your brother’s keeper.”
There should be effective traffic laws and officers to ensure that these laws are not broken and when they are, there should be punishment such as withdrawal of driving license or probably, the drivers should be sent to a driver’s institute. But not physically abused. We should as well look into the touts influence on our roads. Their role should be clearly defined and if they should cross the boundary, they should be reprimanded. In United States of America, there is a Good Samaritan policy which states that individuals should be able to help each other in times of danger unless lives are being threatened. Though in a city like Lagos state, this might be difficult to achieve, but it won’t hurt if we give it a try.
Luckily for me, I made it to work on time
Friday, June 12, 2009
FACES AT TEE A'S OLD SKOOL COSTUME PARTY
On thursday,28th of may,celebrities marched to fantasy land at Ikoyi to do the old skool thingy,dressed in their best old skool costume. Below are faces at the event.
Madonna Wins Adoption Appeal in Malawi
Madonna's family has just gotten bigger, now that the pop star has legally won the right to adopt a daughter from Malawi. "I am extremely grateful for the Supreme Court's ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James. I am ecstatic ... My family and I look forward to sharing our lives with her," Madonna said in a statement through her spokesperson Friday. Preparations are already underway to bring Chifundo "Mercy" James, 3, from the African country to America private jet, after the singer stayed up throughout the night hoping for a courtroom victory. "It's the early hours in New York now but my client has been awake all night waiting for this," Madonna's Malawi lawyer, Alan Chinula, tells PEOPLE. The attorney spoke to his client as soon as the ruling was made official, at around 2 a.m. her time Friday. "She was ecstatic when I broke the news to her. She said, 'Thank heavens.
Na wa oh! Are u happy for her? Me, i will say my mind sha,what will be the future of that child?
Rihanna and Chris Brown went to NBA Game- but not together
Rihanna (right) with an unidentified friend Photo by: Elsa / GettyChris Brown (right) with Dwight Howard
Wat's up with these two?
At Game 4 of the NBA Finals in Orlando on Thursday night, the real action took place in the stands: Rihanna and Chris Brown were both there. "They requested to sit together" at the matchup between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Orlando Magic, says a source. But when game time arrived, the one-time lovers opted for seats in separate sections. During half time, each retreated to separate private lounges, according to eyewitnesses. The outing comes just two days after Rihanna, 21, was subpoenaed to appear in court to testify in the assault case against Brown, 20, and a day after she was out with Aubrey "Drake" Griffin, the Canadian rapper to whom she's been linked.
The couple, whose relationship has been on-again-off-again since Brown allegedly attacked Rihanna in February, were last known to be together in April in Los Angeles. Reps for the NBA and the singers had no comment.Source:People.com
At Game 4 of the NBA Finals in Orlando on Thursday night, the real action took place in the stands: Rihanna and Chris Brown were both there. "They requested to sit together" at the matchup between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Orlando Magic, says a source. But when game time arrived, the one-time lovers opted for seats in separate sections. During half time, each retreated to separate private lounges, according to eyewitnesses. The outing comes just two days after Rihanna, 21, was subpoenaed to appear in court to testify in the assault case against Brown, 20, and a day after she was out with Aubrey "Drake" Griffin, the Canadian rapper to whom she's been linked.
The couple, whose relationship has been on-again-off-again since Brown allegedly attacked Rihanna in February, were last known to be together in April in Los Angeles. Reps for the NBA and the singers had no comment.Source:People.com
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
IT’S SO UNFAIR
Cried out a single-aged woman. What is so unfair you ask? Well here is her story.
I’m Ngozi Egwu, a 30 year old single lady. And for the record, I am not an old maid. It’s only in this part of the world that people think single hood is a crime. Anyway, back to my story. I am a graduate and a freelance journalist. One of my greatest desires is to be loved by someone I love. Believe it or not, people you don’t care about will love you so perfectly, while those you love are not aware of your existence. Reminds me of Celine Dion’s song ‘When the wrong one loves you right’. #1 unfair fact about life.
However, I have been into many relationships. Some memorable, some not imaginable. Thus, I can say I’m a pro in relationship issues. (Keep your opinion to yourself) Somehow, somewhere, I ended up in a relationship with a guy that I am eight years older than. He was my younger brother’s friend. I know what you are thinking ladies. I know I shouldn’t have stooped so low. I am not ugly nor too fat so don’t think I am ugly Betty or the older guys are not attracted to me. No. It’s just this chemistry. This lustful feeling you get when you feel attracted to someone. His name is Gaby. Very handsome and smart. Personally, I think he’s trapped in the wrong body. We got this thing going. And he was much crazier in love with me (so I thought) than I was. And we never went out. Why? Because I know what my friends will say. Though they like him but the fact that I’m older than him, Hah! They don’t do that shit.
Honestly, I had other flings behind him and I never cared how he felt. Because according to my school of thought, as long I am the older one, I got the upper hand. He was not always at my beck and call, but he was always there when I needed him most.
Financial – wise, he spends. All I do is cook for him. I love cooking, so I didn’t feel like I was doing a lot. My small boyfriend was so loving until my younger sister birthday. I saw a part of him that I never knew existed. I mean, I thought I knew so much about him and I can manipulate him anytime and any how I like. Well, here was my big surprise. Before I go into details, this is what I know about my boyfriend before the party:
He is cool, intelligent, smart, a good listener, very caring, spends almost or half of his leisure time with me, massages me, very loving.
Now after the party, this is what my boyfriend is:
A pretender, a cheater, and a smooth operator.
This was how it happened. It was my younger sister’s birthday party. And I invited my boyfriend, though he didn’t need any invitation. I was the MC and he was the DJ. The party was going on smoothly until dancing time. He asked me for a dance but I declined because;
(1) My friends were there.
(2) I love dancing alone.
So he danced with my little cousin who was his age mate, and was looking so sexy in her party outfit. I didn’t bulge an eye. It was a party. So I went outside to hang out with my girlfriends. Few minutes later, I bade goodbye to my girlfriends who were eager to go to the club and went back to the party. I was nonplussed when I got to the living room. Right in front of me was my boyfriend kissing my cousin. Oh! I lowered my head, turned back and headed for the next exit, which turned out to be my bedroom. I shut the door loudly and inhaled sharply, trying to get over my shock.
After few gasps of air, I felt relieved. I walked back to the party, this time, they were by the doorway, I had to act normal and not hysterical.
“Ok! Romeo and Juliet out of the way” I said, as I approached them putting on a plastic smile while my heart needed a plastic surgery.
After the party, my boyfriend came to relax with me. I wanted to scream at him, but I thought better off, silence would be best. He knew I was giving him a cold shoulder, I knew his conscious pricked him, but he decided to play all smart with me. God! I so much waited to scratch his face with my fingers. But I have to act maturely. So we stayed in silence for 10 minutes before my adversary knocked. I didn’t tell you about Tessy. That’s her name. I like her and she likes and respects me a lot. To her, I was a mentor, which was why she came to tell me about my boyfriend advances on her. When she walked in, my boyfriend muttered something, I asked him what he said and he replied nothing. I threatened that if he didn’t tell me, he should never talk to me again. Meanwhile, Tessy was tugging at my arm, begging me to come that she really wants to talk to me. So, I left with her. And she told me how my boyfriend approached her, asked her out, and kissed her. And she feels she likes him a lot and might date him but she needs to know if he is a cool guy. Technically speaking, she came to ask me if she can go out with my boyfriend. Hah! I hated being a mentor then. I felt like a very big blow was strike on my face. I blinked my eyes, trying to regain calmness. And this is what I said to her.
“Of course you can. Gaby is a real cool guy, very loving and caring, you will never regret hanging out with him. I can’t tell you to date him, it is your personal decision but I can tell you that he is a good guy to date.” She thanked me and hugged me joyfully. I let out a very big sigh and walked back to my supposed boyfriend. I kept my cool and I asked him what he said when his new girlfriend came in, and he said “she loves shakara” And my control button just turned off and my anger became insufferable.
“Don’t give me that shit. In fact I have good news for you. You see that girl you called shakara girl, who you asked out and kissed is actually in love with you. I’m okay. I am not mad at you for asking her out but I am actually mad because you asked her out in my house. Ok! I know we are two worlds apart, so feel free to hangout with her. What you did was natural. I would call you a sick person if you had not asked her out. She is beautiful, yes very beautiful, but you should have asked her out, outside my house, not right under my nose. You insulted my personality. In fact, this is over, so so over. You can go hangout with your age mate while I find mine.” I walked out banging the door so loud. And in a flash, my head was inside again. “And for the record, we never dated and don’t you dare hurt her or tell her about us.”
I knew I was hysterical, but I just have to let the turmoil out. Anyway these were his later excuses:
(1) It was the influence of the party
(2) I was going to tell you later
(3) I was not serious with that
(4) I love you.
All these are no excuses. I won’t take any of that lie. It’s just so unfair. An older man dating a younger lady don’t feel insecure because he knows that ladies always fall for matured men, but the reverse is the case for a lady. Take me for example, I felt threatened and out of power over him because I knew, he will always lust after girls of his age or younger, and I am just like his mother or elder sister. It is so so unfair.
Cried out a single-aged woman. What is so unfair you ask? Well here is her story.
I’m Ngozi Egwu, a 30 year old single lady. And for the record, I am not an old maid. It’s only in this part of the world that people think single hood is a crime. Anyway, back to my story. I am a graduate and a freelance journalist. One of my greatest desires is to be loved by someone I love. Believe it or not, people you don’t care about will love you so perfectly, while those you love are not aware of your existence. Reminds me of Celine Dion’s song ‘When the wrong one loves you right’. #1 unfair fact about life.
However, I have been into many relationships. Some memorable, some not imaginable. Thus, I can say I’m a pro in relationship issues. (Keep your opinion to yourself) Somehow, somewhere, I ended up in a relationship with a guy that I am eight years older than. He was my younger brother’s friend. I know what you are thinking ladies. I know I shouldn’t have stooped so low. I am not ugly nor too fat so don’t think I am ugly Betty or the older guys are not attracted to me. No. It’s just this chemistry. This lustful feeling you get when you feel attracted to someone. His name is Gaby. Very handsome and smart. Personally, I think he’s trapped in the wrong body. We got this thing going. And he was much crazier in love with me (so I thought) than I was. And we never went out. Why? Because I know what my friends will say. Though they like him but the fact that I’m older than him, Hah! They don’t do that shit.
Honestly, I had other flings behind him and I never cared how he felt. Because according to my school of thought, as long I am the older one, I got the upper hand. He was not always at my beck and call, but he was always there when I needed him most.
Financial – wise, he spends. All I do is cook for him. I love cooking, so I didn’t feel like I was doing a lot. My small boyfriend was so loving until my younger sister birthday. I saw a part of him that I never knew existed. I mean, I thought I knew so much about him and I can manipulate him anytime and any how I like. Well, here was my big surprise. Before I go into details, this is what I know about my boyfriend before the party:
He is cool, intelligent, smart, a good listener, very caring, spends almost or half of his leisure time with me, massages me, very loving.
Now after the party, this is what my boyfriend is:
A pretender, a cheater, and a smooth operator.
This was how it happened. It was my younger sister’s birthday party. And I invited my boyfriend, though he didn’t need any invitation. I was the MC and he was the DJ. The party was going on smoothly until dancing time. He asked me for a dance but I declined because;
(1) My friends were there.
(2) I love dancing alone.
So he danced with my little cousin who was his age mate, and was looking so sexy in her party outfit. I didn’t bulge an eye. It was a party. So I went outside to hang out with my girlfriends. Few minutes later, I bade goodbye to my girlfriends who were eager to go to the club and went back to the party. I was nonplussed when I got to the living room. Right in front of me was my boyfriend kissing my cousin. Oh! I lowered my head, turned back and headed for the next exit, which turned out to be my bedroom. I shut the door loudly and inhaled sharply, trying to get over my shock.
After few gasps of air, I felt relieved. I walked back to the party, this time, they were by the doorway, I had to act normal and not hysterical.
“Ok! Romeo and Juliet out of the way” I said, as I approached them putting on a plastic smile while my heart needed a plastic surgery.
After the party, my boyfriend came to relax with me. I wanted to scream at him, but I thought better off, silence would be best. He knew I was giving him a cold shoulder, I knew his conscious pricked him, but he decided to play all smart with me. God! I so much waited to scratch his face with my fingers. But I have to act maturely. So we stayed in silence for 10 minutes before my adversary knocked. I didn’t tell you about Tessy. That’s her name. I like her and she likes and respects me a lot. To her, I was a mentor, which was why she came to tell me about my boyfriend advances on her. When she walked in, my boyfriend muttered something, I asked him what he said and he replied nothing. I threatened that if he didn’t tell me, he should never talk to me again. Meanwhile, Tessy was tugging at my arm, begging me to come that she really wants to talk to me. So, I left with her. And she told me how my boyfriend approached her, asked her out, and kissed her. And she feels she likes him a lot and might date him but she needs to know if he is a cool guy. Technically speaking, she came to ask me if she can go out with my boyfriend. Hah! I hated being a mentor then. I felt like a very big blow was strike on my face. I blinked my eyes, trying to regain calmness. And this is what I said to her.
“Of course you can. Gaby is a real cool guy, very loving and caring, you will never regret hanging out with him. I can’t tell you to date him, it is your personal decision but I can tell you that he is a good guy to date.” She thanked me and hugged me joyfully. I let out a very big sigh and walked back to my supposed boyfriend. I kept my cool and I asked him what he said when his new girlfriend came in, and he said “she loves shakara” And my control button just turned off and my anger became insufferable.
“Don’t give me that shit. In fact I have good news for you. You see that girl you called shakara girl, who you asked out and kissed is actually in love with you. I’m okay. I am not mad at you for asking her out but I am actually mad because you asked her out in my house. Ok! I know we are two worlds apart, so feel free to hangout with her. What you did was natural. I would call you a sick person if you had not asked her out. She is beautiful, yes very beautiful, but you should have asked her out, outside my house, not right under my nose. You insulted my personality. In fact, this is over, so so over. You can go hangout with your age mate while I find mine.” I walked out banging the door so loud. And in a flash, my head was inside again. “And for the record, we never dated and don’t you dare hurt her or tell her about us.”
I knew I was hysterical, but I just have to let the turmoil out. Anyway these were his later excuses:
(1) It was the influence of the party
(2) I was going to tell you later
(3) I was not serious with that
(4) I love you.
All these are no excuses. I won’t take any of that lie. It’s just so unfair. An older man dating a younger lady don’t feel insecure because he knows that ladies always fall for matured men, but the reverse is the case for a lady. Take me for example, I felt threatened and out of power over him because I knew, he will always lust after girls of his age or younger, and I am just like his mother or elder sister. It is so so unfair.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
facial expression
Welcome to the month of May.A month of endless possibilities. I love this month very much,one of the reasons being that HipHop World Award is a week away and it is live in Abuja. Something happened during the week.My girlfriend and i were gisting and this topic just popped up from nowhere. Well it is about the male.What kind of facial expression does your man make when he reaches the eight world wonder? Does he shout JESUS!, like a demon is chasing him, or does he touch you like he is under anointing?Or maybe he goes all mellow like he is a jellyfish,or he does the talking,u know, the sex talk? Or he goes mute and only utter MMMM...,like a woman in labour? it is quite funny how men behave when they are climaxing. If u have a different idea or you have some you want to share, pls do not hesitate. I once made out with a guy and as he was about to climax, he started screaming as if there was a gun pointed at his head. I was so scared that i took a good look at him to know if he was alrite. To my surprise, there was this frightful look on his face,i quickly rolled him over and asked if he was alrite.He said he was,that in fact,it was his best ever.Even i as a lady i don't think i scream that much. i mean i scream but my facial expression is not that weird as the male folks Please tell me about yours.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
LEGEND OF THE MONTH
When i was thinking of who to make my legend of the month,Luther was the last guy on my mind.But just a line from Power of love changed my mind.Luther was born on April 2o 1951 and passed away on July1 2005. The most astonishing fact about this legend is that he sang so many love songs,yet has a lack lustre lovelife.Why?I ask. All i can say is Luther kept the secret safe with him.He wom 8 grammy awards.I can only say that Luther still lives because even if he had said goodbye, we all believe in the power of love .LONG LIVE THE LEGEND!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
HONESTY IN RELATIONSHIPS
HONESTY IN RELATIONSHIPS
In relationships, a lot of things do happen. This could be as a result of two different people, different sexes coming together to experiment on the ability of their hearts to be loved or hurt. One of the rudiments in relationship is to be honest, sincere, and truthful to your partner.
Recently, I encountered a scenario that got me asking: Does Honesty pay in relationships?
Honesty, they say is the best policy, but does the same apply in relationships? When we are sincere about our lifestyle or our past deeds, do we get forgiveness or heartbreak?
Jane and Frank had been dating for 3 months and everything was going on smoothly. Frank was an auditor in a very prominent financial institution, while Jane was a PR in a governmental organization. They talked, admired, laughed and shared everything. They understood each other perfectly. Life was sweet and love was blossoming. Frank had insisted that Jane should move into his apartment but Jane has declined, for so many reasons, one of them being that they are not married. Due to the nature of her job, Jane was always on the road for one campaign or the other. Frank is not comfortable with this and had in few occasions suggested that Jane should quit her job and get another one that will make her less time bound and around. Jane had exploded, and Frank never dared to raise the issue again. In fact, he even agreed to help her in devising propaganda for her bosses.
All was perfect, until Jane left for one of her road trips. This time, in Abuja. ”Honey, it’s only for a week” She told Frank over the phone. “I wish they had told me earlier, I would have come around yesterday.”
“No problem love, just do your thing and hurry up to take care of your sweetheart ok?” Frank replied, in an attempt to reassure her that he is not mad with her, but is that really true Frank?
“Alright babe. Love you.”She hung up.
A week passed and no sign of her, but another phone call filled with regrets and promises to come home as soon as possible. A week turned to a month, and the communication was dying. The relationship was getting precarious. In an attempt to save the relationship, Jane invited Frank over during his casual leave. He stayed in the hotel with her where she was lodging, and the old flame was rekindled.
Frank left Abuja, feeling like the luckiest man alive. That night, he decided to hang out with his friends instead of staying in his lonely apartment.
Oh boy! You don fat finish oh! See your bele! Wetin Jane give you chop?” exclaimed Tunde
“I thought I was the only one who saw the difference. Frank, that babe is really good for you.” added Ifeanyi.
Frank smiled and replied,”What more can I say, I’m lucky!”And they all laughed. They were in a bar, drinking and catching up with good times. Suddenly, Frank heard his name. He turned around and was shocked to see Shola, his ex-girlfriend.
“Wow! What best place to see your ex”, he said to his friends before giving Shola a hug.”Nice to see you Shola, how are u?” I’m fine. She replied, flashing her snow -white teeth.
Frank was lost for a moment as he reveled in her beauty. He had been crazy over her then. She had been the cynosure of every event they attended *together; even his friends had envied him. Shola was beautiful, and was looking more than beautiful tonight. She was tall and walks with a graceful elegance. Her skin was chocolate cream colour, her face, well sculpted by a professional artist. Her eyes were cat-like with long lashes, a sharp pointed nose. And her lips? He reminisced the taste of her lips, sweet and luscious. He looked at her lips lovingly now before cautiously regaining his wild thoughts.
“So what are you doing here?” he asked. He knew it was a stupid question, but he has to say something before he loses control.
She slapped his arm lightly.”C’mon Frank, what would a lady like me be doing in a club if not to catch some fun with my friends.”
“Oh! Speaking of friends,” He turned to his friends. “This is Tund…”
“Tunde and Frank.” Said Shola, cutting him short. “I met them before remember? In fact, we all went out one time.”She laughed at the stupid expression on his face.”C’mon, let’s go dancing, Uh la la la.” She threw her hand in the air in gesture of the song.
“Ah! You know I’m not a good dancer.”
Don’t worry, I will teach you and I promise not to scream if you step on my toe.”
“I really can’t Shola, my friends would think I’m easily manipulated by a woman. Won’t you think so guys?” He turned to his friends for support.
“No, not at all. Enjoy yourself. At least, it’s not every day you get the opportunity to be asked for a dance by a beautiful lady” said Tunde, blatantly admiring Shola.
“Oh! Thanks.”
Frank felt he had just been invited to dine with the devil as Shola led him to the dance floor. His flesh was telling him to have a nice time with her, after all, they were still friends, but the spirit kept telling him to look for an escape route. Being so carnally –minded, he resolved to the former. Shola was really digging him on the dance floor. She whined and twisted her waist seductively, shoving her buttocks to his groin. He was embarrassed, but was amazingly horny. She turned to face him, looking deeply into his eyes; she licked her lips and flicked her tongue seductively. He could not resist her temptations anymore. He dragged her to a hidden corner at the bar and kissed her ravenously. God! She tasted to sweet like before, his hands roamed her body, feeling all the beautiful contours of her body.
“She can’t make you feel this way” She whispered in his ears.
That brought him back to reality. This was a mistake. How could he have allowed himself to fall for her charm? He felt helpless but he had to gather up his wits.
“Have a nice time”, he said and walked out on her to her astonishment. He didn’t even bother to check on his friends. He felt bad and guilty that he had betrayed Jane. How could he have cheated on her? He loved her and lovers do not cheat on each other. Suddenly, his heart became heavy with guilt.
The following week, Jane returned. He was so happy to have her back that he insisted she stayed at his place for a week. In his mind, it was a remission of his betrayal to her. He took good care of her during her stay at his place, cooked for her, bought gifts for her, and took her out. He did everything to make her feel loved.
Jane, on the other hand was feeling guilty as well. She felt she didn’t deserve Frank’s love. She had betrayed his love. How could he have hurt him, cheated on him by sleeping with that Senator? She had wondered what had made her perform that act, and still unable to figure out the reason. What was wrong with her? She watched Frank serve dinner and felt culpable. She should tell him. Yes! She should. At least, it is better for him to know the truth than to get the news from another source, because unfortunately for her she had ran into one of Frank’s colleague in Abuja, as she and the senator was leaving a hotel,. She knew she could deny the accusation if confronted. They could be there for an official meeting. Yet, she felt this heavy pang of guilt in her. She stood up and walked to him. He was leaning on the dining table. She searched his face, looking for a sort of assurance that he would understand her and would not be mad at her. She saw the lovely look in his eyes and knew that he would forgive her. He was very much in love with her, and honesty was one of those qualities that keep a relationship.
“Hey baby” He said, drawing her close. Her heart beat could be heard in the room. She chuckled. Funny, she had been going through this since she came back and now, right now, she was about to let the cat out of the bag.
Baby, there is something I want to tell you.” She snuggled closer.
“What is it baby?”
“Promise you won’t be mad at me?” She stroked his face lovingly.
“I won’t.”
She heaved a sigh, smiled at him and said, “I love you.”
“And I love you too.” They kissed.
That night, Jane scolded herself for being such a coward. She was so close to telling him the truth, but the fear that she might lose him was too much to ignore. She decided that she was never going to tell him the truth. She would keep her secret safe from him.
Things went on as normal, their love life was splendid and their secrets were hidden from each other. Unfortunately, nothing is hidden under the sun.
It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and Romeo and Juliet took a trip to the cinema to watch movies. As they stepped out of the elevator, they collided with Jane’s lover. Immediately Jane saw him, colour drained from her face, her heart skipped faster and she felt the hall spinning around her.
“Miss Adams, what are you doing here?”
“Senator Kunle, Good day. Em, I’m here with my fiancé, we are spending the afternoon together. “She stuttered.
“Oh! I see.” The senator sized Frank’s up with his eyes, ignoring his outstretched hand for a shake then returned his gaze at Jane.
“See me in the office tomorrow. Have a nice day.” He walked away.
“Honey, please pay no attention to him.” Jane said, trying hard to lessen the load of guilt that was weighing on her chest
As if that was not enough, Henry, Frank’s colleague whom Jane has run into at the hotel with the Senator in Abuja, was walking towards them. Jane felt that she was already being punished by God. Right behind him was Shola, Frank’s girlfriend. What was happening? Is it the Judgment day or what? Jane felt Frank stiffen at the sight of Shola. She looked at him. Does he still have feelings for her? This is insane!
Unknown to Jane that Frank’s guilt was as worse as hers,
“Honey, excuse me, I have to go to the rest room.” Frank said, trying to ease his nerves. At that moment, Henry called out his name.
“Hey Frank, Jane, what are you doing here?”
“We came to watch the movies.” said Jane quickly.
“Guess who I ran into here, Shola.”
“Hey Frank.” Jane scowled at her and she cringed.
“I thought I saw the senator Jane, your friend. Did you come together?”Asked Henry, giving her the blackmailer’s look.
“Frank love, I need to talk to you now, excuse us.”Jane grabbed his hand.
They walked to the extreme of the hall. Jane took a deep breath. It was time, she told herself. She has to tell him now or she would never have the opportunity to do it again, and it might too late then.
“Frank I really need to tell you the truth.
“What is it baby?”
She fidgeted a while, and then said, “I had an affair with someone in Abuja.
“WHAT?”
“I’m sorry, but it was just once. I don’t know what got into my head that day, I wasn’t thinking. I’m really sorry.”She tried to hold his hand, but he pulled away.
“When did it happen, before or after I visited you?”He asked her curtly, his voice filled with pain.
She remained silent,
“Answer me!”He shouted at her. .
“Before your visit.”
Oh! His visit was a make up for her mistake. Very clever. He really admired her wits. And there he was punishing himself for his own betrayal.
“It was the senator right?”She nodded in response.
Frank was felt like an idiot. The senator has been screwing her. No wonder he had looked at him in a disgusting manner.
“I know I should have told you earlier but I was scared that I was going to hurt you and you will never trust me again. I was afraid you might hear it from another source. And seeing Henry and Shola now, I knew I had to tell you the truth.”
She tried to hold his arms again but he shoved her away, looked at her disgustedly and left.
And that was the end of their relationship. Frank never called or answered Jane’s phone calls or even bother to call her, they became strangers once again.After encountering this scenario, I realized that honesty is never the best policy in some matters in relationships. Do not tell if he doesn’t ask. Let’s face the truth. There are some things that should be left unsaid in a relationship. It was clear from the story that Jane ended up being the victim of her guilt and Frank’s as well. She didn’t get forgiveness, and never get to know about Frank’s betrayal as well. As much as we ladies will like to be the good person in our relationship, we should take cognizance of the fact that infidelity is inevitable in some relationships and we should stop deceiving ourselves that being honest about it won’t make it easier for the men to forgive us, because emotions are being involved. And if the man gets to forgive you, give you a second chance, there is a high possibility that he will retaliate. Men are very vengeful. Most times, we ladies feel insecure when the man is being so good to us. So, if you know you can’t take the risk of the game don’t play the game. Remember, if he don’t ask, don’t tell.
In relationships, a lot of things do happen. This could be as a result of two different people, different sexes coming together to experiment on the ability of their hearts to be loved or hurt. One of the rudiments in relationship is to be honest, sincere, and truthful to your partner.
Recently, I encountered a scenario that got me asking: Does Honesty pay in relationships?
Honesty, they say is the best policy, but does the same apply in relationships? When we are sincere about our lifestyle or our past deeds, do we get forgiveness or heartbreak?
Jane and Frank had been dating for 3 months and everything was going on smoothly. Frank was an auditor in a very prominent financial institution, while Jane was a PR in a governmental organization. They talked, admired, laughed and shared everything. They understood each other perfectly. Life was sweet and love was blossoming. Frank had insisted that Jane should move into his apartment but Jane has declined, for so many reasons, one of them being that they are not married. Due to the nature of her job, Jane was always on the road for one campaign or the other. Frank is not comfortable with this and had in few occasions suggested that Jane should quit her job and get another one that will make her less time bound and around. Jane had exploded, and Frank never dared to raise the issue again. In fact, he even agreed to help her in devising propaganda for her bosses.
All was perfect, until Jane left for one of her road trips. This time, in Abuja. ”Honey, it’s only for a week” She told Frank over the phone. “I wish they had told me earlier, I would have come around yesterday.”
“No problem love, just do your thing and hurry up to take care of your sweetheart ok?” Frank replied, in an attempt to reassure her that he is not mad with her, but is that really true Frank?
“Alright babe. Love you.”She hung up.
A week passed and no sign of her, but another phone call filled with regrets and promises to come home as soon as possible. A week turned to a month, and the communication was dying. The relationship was getting precarious. In an attempt to save the relationship, Jane invited Frank over during his casual leave. He stayed in the hotel with her where she was lodging, and the old flame was rekindled.
Frank left Abuja, feeling like the luckiest man alive. That night, he decided to hang out with his friends instead of staying in his lonely apartment.
Oh boy! You don fat finish oh! See your bele! Wetin Jane give you chop?” exclaimed Tunde
“I thought I was the only one who saw the difference. Frank, that babe is really good for you.” added Ifeanyi.
Frank smiled and replied,”What more can I say, I’m lucky!”And they all laughed. They were in a bar, drinking and catching up with good times. Suddenly, Frank heard his name. He turned around and was shocked to see Shola, his ex-girlfriend.
“Wow! What best place to see your ex”, he said to his friends before giving Shola a hug.”Nice to see you Shola, how are u?” I’m fine. She replied, flashing her snow -white teeth.
Frank was lost for a moment as he reveled in her beauty. He had been crazy over her then. She had been the cynosure of every event they attended *together; even his friends had envied him. Shola was beautiful, and was looking more than beautiful tonight. She was tall and walks with a graceful elegance. Her skin was chocolate cream colour, her face, well sculpted by a professional artist. Her eyes were cat-like with long lashes, a sharp pointed nose. And her lips? He reminisced the taste of her lips, sweet and luscious. He looked at her lips lovingly now before cautiously regaining his wild thoughts.
“So what are you doing here?” he asked. He knew it was a stupid question, but he has to say something before he loses control.
She slapped his arm lightly.”C’mon Frank, what would a lady like me be doing in a club if not to catch some fun with my friends.”
“Oh! Speaking of friends,” He turned to his friends. “This is Tund…”
“Tunde and Frank.” Said Shola, cutting him short. “I met them before remember? In fact, we all went out one time.”She laughed at the stupid expression on his face.”C’mon, let’s go dancing, Uh la la la.” She threw her hand in the air in gesture of the song.
“Ah! You know I’m not a good dancer.”
Don’t worry, I will teach you and I promise not to scream if you step on my toe.”
“I really can’t Shola, my friends would think I’m easily manipulated by a woman. Won’t you think so guys?” He turned to his friends for support.
“No, not at all. Enjoy yourself. At least, it’s not every day you get the opportunity to be asked for a dance by a beautiful lady” said Tunde, blatantly admiring Shola.
“Oh! Thanks.”
Frank felt he had just been invited to dine with the devil as Shola led him to the dance floor. His flesh was telling him to have a nice time with her, after all, they were still friends, but the spirit kept telling him to look for an escape route. Being so carnally –minded, he resolved to the former. Shola was really digging him on the dance floor. She whined and twisted her waist seductively, shoving her buttocks to his groin. He was embarrassed, but was amazingly horny. She turned to face him, looking deeply into his eyes; she licked her lips and flicked her tongue seductively. He could not resist her temptations anymore. He dragged her to a hidden corner at the bar and kissed her ravenously. God! She tasted to sweet like before, his hands roamed her body, feeling all the beautiful contours of her body.
“She can’t make you feel this way” She whispered in his ears.
That brought him back to reality. This was a mistake. How could he have allowed himself to fall for her charm? He felt helpless but he had to gather up his wits.
“Have a nice time”, he said and walked out on her to her astonishment. He didn’t even bother to check on his friends. He felt bad and guilty that he had betrayed Jane. How could he have cheated on her? He loved her and lovers do not cheat on each other. Suddenly, his heart became heavy with guilt.
The following week, Jane returned. He was so happy to have her back that he insisted she stayed at his place for a week. In his mind, it was a remission of his betrayal to her. He took good care of her during her stay at his place, cooked for her, bought gifts for her, and took her out. He did everything to make her feel loved.
Jane, on the other hand was feeling guilty as well. She felt she didn’t deserve Frank’s love. She had betrayed his love. How could he have hurt him, cheated on him by sleeping with that Senator? She had wondered what had made her perform that act, and still unable to figure out the reason. What was wrong with her? She watched Frank serve dinner and felt culpable. She should tell him. Yes! She should. At least, it is better for him to know the truth than to get the news from another source, because unfortunately for her she had ran into one of Frank’s colleague in Abuja, as she and the senator was leaving a hotel,. She knew she could deny the accusation if confronted. They could be there for an official meeting. Yet, she felt this heavy pang of guilt in her. She stood up and walked to him. He was leaning on the dining table. She searched his face, looking for a sort of assurance that he would understand her and would not be mad at her. She saw the lovely look in his eyes and knew that he would forgive her. He was very much in love with her, and honesty was one of those qualities that keep a relationship.
“Hey baby” He said, drawing her close. Her heart beat could be heard in the room. She chuckled. Funny, she had been going through this since she came back and now, right now, she was about to let the cat out of the bag.
Baby, there is something I want to tell you.” She snuggled closer.
“What is it baby?”
“Promise you won’t be mad at me?” She stroked his face lovingly.
“I won’t.”
She heaved a sigh, smiled at him and said, “I love you.”
“And I love you too.” They kissed.
That night, Jane scolded herself for being such a coward. She was so close to telling him the truth, but the fear that she might lose him was too much to ignore. She decided that she was never going to tell him the truth. She would keep her secret safe from him.
Things went on as normal, their love life was splendid and their secrets were hidden from each other. Unfortunately, nothing is hidden under the sun.
It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and Romeo and Juliet took a trip to the cinema to watch movies. As they stepped out of the elevator, they collided with Jane’s lover. Immediately Jane saw him, colour drained from her face, her heart skipped faster and she felt the hall spinning around her.
“Miss Adams, what are you doing here?”
“Senator Kunle, Good day. Em, I’m here with my fiancé, we are spending the afternoon together. “She stuttered.
“Oh! I see.” The senator sized Frank’s up with his eyes, ignoring his outstretched hand for a shake then returned his gaze at Jane.
“See me in the office tomorrow. Have a nice day.” He walked away.
“Honey, please pay no attention to him.” Jane said, trying hard to lessen the load of guilt that was weighing on her chest
As if that was not enough, Henry, Frank’s colleague whom Jane has run into at the hotel with the Senator in Abuja, was walking towards them. Jane felt that she was already being punished by God. Right behind him was Shola, Frank’s girlfriend. What was happening? Is it the Judgment day or what? Jane felt Frank stiffen at the sight of Shola. She looked at him. Does he still have feelings for her? This is insane!
Unknown to Jane that Frank’s guilt was as worse as hers,
“Honey, excuse me, I have to go to the rest room.” Frank said, trying to ease his nerves. At that moment, Henry called out his name.
“Hey Frank, Jane, what are you doing here?”
“We came to watch the movies.” said Jane quickly.
“Guess who I ran into here, Shola.”
“Hey Frank.” Jane scowled at her and she cringed.
“I thought I saw the senator Jane, your friend. Did you come together?”Asked Henry, giving her the blackmailer’s look.
“Frank love, I need to talk to you now, excuse us.”Jane grabbed his hand.
They walked to the extreme of the hall. Jane took a deep breath. It was time, she told herself. She has to tell him now or she would never have the opportunity to do it again, and it might too late then.
“Frank I really need to tell you the truth.
“What is it baby?”
She fidgeted a while, and then said, “I had an affair with someone in Abuja.
“WHAT?”
“I’m sorry, but it was just once. I don’t know what got into my head that day, I wasn’t thinking. I’m really sorry.”She tried to hold his hand, but he pulled away.
“When did it happen, before or after I visited you?”He asked her curtly, his voice filled with pain.
She remained silent,
“Answer me!”He shouted at her. .
“Before your visit.”
Oh! His visit was a make up for her mistake. Very clever. He really admired her wits. And there he was punishing himself for his own betrayal.
“It was the senator right?”She nodded in response.
Frank was felt like an idiot. The senator has been screwing her. No wonder he had looked at him in a disgusting manner.
“I know I should have told you earlier but I was scared that I was going to hurt you and you will never trust me again. I was afraid you might hear it from another source. And seeing Henry and Shola now, I knew I had to tell you the truth.”
She tried to hold his arms again but he shoved her away, looked at her disgustedly and left.
And that was the end of their relationship. Frank never called or answered Jane’s phone calls or even bother to call her, they became strangers once again.After encountering this scenario, I realized that honesty is never the best policy in some matters in relationships. Do not tell if he doesn’t ask. Let’s face the truth. There are some things that should be left unsaid in a relationship. It was clear from the story that Jane ended up being the victim of her guilt and Frank’s as well. She didn’t get forgiveness, and never get to know about Frank’s betrayal as well. As much as we ladies will like to be the good person in our relationship, we should take cognizance of the fact that infidelity is inevitable in some relationships and we should stop deceiving ourselves that being honest about it won’t make it easier for the men to forgive us, because emotions are being involved. And if the man gets to forgive you, give you a second chance, there is a high possibility that he will retaliate. Men are very vengeful. Most times, we ladies feel insecure when the man is being so good to us. So, if you know you can’t take the risk of the game don’t play the game. Remember, if he don’t ask, don’t tell.
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SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO PART WAYS WHILE SOME HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER FOR A LIFETIME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A RARE GEM AND FRIEND, MISS MODUPE ONANUGA, THE MOST BRILLIANT, BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, BELIEVE ME, I'M NOT LYING. SHE IS A TRUE FRIEND. WATCHOUT FOR MY NEW BLOG!!!!!
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